Flaky Scalp Sympathizer Gifts

Enough complaining! We all have flaky scalps.

"Want me to talk to the squirrel's mother, or would you prefer to handle it on your own?"

Angry Squirrel Can't Get to the Bird Table.

I've been feeling sluggish lately.

God in the bunker.

'Listen, Santa. Either you repay what you owe, or we reposses Rudolph!'

"Delivery."

No need for you to read this. You seem to have got it to a fine art.

"It's a pizza leaflet..."

It was a perfect day, until a squirrel stole his sandwich and ruined everything.

'I've made a radio using coconuts, salt water, and a trout.'

"I'm sorry I hurt your feelings. Here, try this."

'Shhhhh...He's preparing for the holiday season.'

"Mummy's a bit grisly in the mornings. But after something to eat and a little nap, she's quite pleasant."

'If you can hear me, Larry Gligstein, please send a text to 555-703-7193

A dog getting neutered.

Common predators of the grey squirrel.

"What I want for Christmas is to have the day off and watch 'Miracle on 34th Street'."

Neighbourhood watch and slug watch.

Outward bound/Homeward bound.

'How's the dandruff-suppressant coming along?'

Scary Slug Stories

"Mrs. Santa Claus wants a divorce, the elves in my workshop is on strike, the reindeer just hate me and global warming makes my place in the North Pole melt!"

"Who wants to talk to Santa? Anyone? Hello?"

Snail to Slug.

"The question is. Do you remembere where you buried your feelings?"

'I've tried everything. My skin is still as dry as an elephant's trunk.'

'Let's switch sides. My feet are killing me.'

'I don't suppose it occured to you to simply agree to disagree?'

"It's father, doctor, he's creaking badly."

"Whatever you do, don't make eye contact."

'No wonder it's blocked! How can she moult so much and not be bald?'

Now, this is a good garden: full of weeds! The likelyhood of somebody trying to poison us here is very low...

'My husband will be a little late getting to the office, but he's on his way.'

What's your question for Ask Sadie? What's the most humane way to get squirrels out of my garden? Excellent question. It reminds me of the time one of my ancestors had a similar question. Ironically, she was a spunky flying-squirrel-like creature who prayed to the great acorn to do something about the triceratops that kept stomping her magnolias. My advice: Go great-acorn on those squirrels!!! Did that really happen? It's family lore! I don't question it!