Flaky Scalp Sympathizer T-Shirts

"Want me to talk to the squirrel's mother, or would you prefer to handle it on your own?"

Angry Squirrel Can't Get to the Bird Table.

I've been feeling sluggish lately.

'Listen, Santa. Either you repay what you owe, or we reposses Rudolph!'

"Delivery."

"It's a pizza leaflet..."

No need for you to read this. You seem to have got it to a fine art.

It was a perfect day, until a squirrel stole his sandwich and ruined everything.

'I've made a radio using coconuts, salt water, and a trout.'

"I'm sorry I hurt your feelings. Here, try this."

'Shhhhh...He's preparing for the holiday season.'

"Mummy's a bit grisly in the mornings. But after something to eat and a little nap, she's quite pleasant."

'If you can hear me, Larry Gligstein, please send a text to 555-703-7193

Common predators of the grey squirrel.

Neighbourhood watch and slug watch.

"Mrs. Santa Claus wants a divorce, the elves in my workshop is on strike, the reindeer just hate me and global warming makes my place in the North Pole melt!"

"Who wants to talk to Santa? Anyone? Hello?"

Scary Slug Stories

Outward bound/Homeward bound.

'I've tried everything. My skin is still as dry as an elephant's trunk.'

'Let's switch sides. My feet are killing me.'

Snail to Slug.

'How's the dandruff-suppressant coming along?'

"The question is. Do you remembere where you buried your feelings?"

'I don't suppose it occured to you to simply agree to disagree?'

"Whatever you do, don't make eye contact."

"It's father, doctor, he's creaking badly."

'No wonder it's blocked! How can she moult so much and not be bald?'

'My husband will be a little late getting to the office, but he's on his way.'

Now, this is a good garden: full of weeds! The likelyhood of somebody trying to poison us here is very low...