Fitter Gifts

The Rake's Progress - The young heir takes possession of the miser's effects.

'Hello, Robinson Crusoe here, I'd like my kitchen finished by Friday.'

"I think I've found the most comfy jeans."

'These fit just right. Do you have anything too tight?'

Fitness Programme for babies

Waiting for Pants

'She thinks I'm out every night training for the London Marathon.'

'I'm counter - intelligence'

'Are you thinking what I'm thinking?'

"Mental note to self: rethink theory of survival of the fittest."

Gym: Back and Forth or Going Nowhere.

'Of course we can fix your sweater but we'll have to contact the sheep to match the wool!'

'Sorry, I'm afraid it was a false alarm. It turns out that 'the emergency gas leak' was my husband.'

It's too hard to clean my closet. Take out everything. Throw them into "keep", "donate" or "toss" boxes. Ok. Done!

"And the best feature of this shoe is you'll look Athletic even if you're not."

'You know that thin person inside you, struggling to get out? -- He seems to have gained weight, too.'

Son? We need to talk about inappropriate life choices. I was joking. I'm not going to be an investment banker. Great! I'd hate to see you waste your talents. There are plenty of other jobs. Like the fixer who disappears famous athletes' awkward e-mails. You'll always be employed.

'Do these come in blue?'

Jeans Styles

Impersonal Trainer.

Womens dressing rooms.

'Dear oh dear, what cowboy did this then?'

"I told him to trim a couple of inches off the middle and he thought it was a fat remark."

'I wonder how you flush this thing?'

Sorry, what did you say? This new double glazing will be good for noise reduction!

'Can't you workmen use the canteen for your tea break ?'

"I'm getting a slight draught through the double glazing, you fitted for me."

'Maybe you could get dressed faster if you lost that speed bump around your waist.'

"Darling - I can't seem to find the invisible menders..."

'What makes you think my kitchen was fitted by cowboys?'

'I thought your quote for 'putting windows in' was cheap.'

Woman trying on clothes and ripping them - Breakages to be paid for.

"I'm a 34" struggling in a 36"- let me have a 38"."

'I guess it's official now. No one in this town actually makes anything anymore.'

Boss, someone called The Fixer is here to see you. Excellent. Go out and tell him I want him to teach you everything he knows. I don't see why I should have to keep paying him when I've got my very own minion. Pay extra attention to the issue vague threats to shut down lawsuits part. If he asks why I didn't fire him myself, you tell him I've moved to Botswana. Very bad man.