Fitness Funny Bone Pillows

I know it's not on the yoga dvd but a spider crawled up my sleeve

Shame on You.

"Phew, that buys me some time."

"We should start a church where we only read the parts of the bible that are never read in church."

'How could you flunk stone shop?'

"Dear, did something happen at the office?"

"So when my dad said I couldn't have a dog..."

"Hurry, stop him!" (Dog running off with bone from man's x-ray).

'I did my research paper on Bart Simpson!'

Cut out and keep your own Gardener!

'And then as the young rat turned around, he realized he was in the junior high, block one dissection class!'

Excess Baggage: Some folks believe that calories consumed during vacation do not count against your diet.

"She's losing a lot of cream cheese. We're going to have to cut her open."

'What are you giving up for Lent this year?' - 'Anchovies.' - 'I thought you hated anchovies?' - 'I do. Care for a cookie instead?' - 'Lent is supposed to be about challenge and sacrifice!' - 'Play to win, Baby!'

'Ha, ha! But seriously folks...'

"How do you prepare the chicken?"

Vocation,vocation,vocation.

'Well Alice. Now do you know what cull means?'

"My doctor told me I should start working out."

Eucharist

Shortly after being accepted into John's heart, Jesus lodged in aorta.

"This is Siri. No, you're not there yet!"

Entertaining The Troops On Wall Street

'Now that's what I call a religious broadcast.'

"I just wish that, for once, when he asked me what I wanted, it wasn't followed by 'for Christmas?'"

Fish in Water Cooler.

Jesus as a child - 'Just look at my clean floor! What have I told you about walking on puddles?'

Movers and shakers.

'I just glanced back at Sodom and Gomorrah for a second...'

"Something that makes me look unfit for human consumption."

'No, there isn't any shrimp in the 'Shrimp Surprise' -- It's just called that because it's not all that surprising.'

"We learned in Sunday School about how Cain whacked Abel."

Dog at a restaurant

That's the worst case of 'cow arse' I've seen in a child!

"I can hear Jingle Bells!"