Fitness Flop Gifts

'He sprained his wrist inserting the exercise DVD.'

"Approaching 10,000 steps."

In the Guru District

"You think you can? Think again, mister. You know you can. Got that?"

"I hope you are enjoying the walk..."

"Together ideas for couples" "Slap a sandwich together" "Put two and two together" "Pull themselves together" "Rub two sticks together" "Try to hold it together" "String a phrase together"

'If you give up alcohol, cigarettes, sex, red meat, cakes and chocolate, and don't get too excited, you can enjoy life for a few more years yet.'

'I stay trim because of high metabolism. Theirs, not mine.'

Man on exercise bike with dog on treadmill

Dietician to man: 'To address your spare tire we must first get in touch with your inner tube.'

'You've hit the fitness plateau.'

'My feet are killing me.'

"Do you guys serve beer?"

'Maybe we should have gone for a pommel horse.'

'Okay, ladies! We're not just going to burn those calories, we're going to drown them!'

"I'm off to the gym, where my private self and my public self converge."

"A squirrel, impressive! I'm still chasing a stick."

You only have time for one: Choose your fighter - Exercise, Wash Your Hair, Eat, Breathe

"Portrait of a Lady"

Lady drying hair whilst on exercise bike.

"All I do is swim and eat plankton, but do I lose weight?"

Dog Walking Services

"Things are still a little rough for me, and occasionally I lose hope and get depressed—but I'm getting stronger every day."

'I love your cardiovascular system!'

Yoga for Alcoholics

'Well, well, well...'

"Relax. I just had a vitamin."

Be Healthy

"This feels like an accomplishment."

Businessman uses yoga moves while reviewing financial news on computer

Muscles

'Every piece of equipment is hooked up to battery cells in the basement, and we actually sell electricity back to the power company!'

Turn, turn and turn.

On the back of the t-shirt...

'No, honestly, it's just diet and exercise.'