Fitness Fantasy Debunker Gifts

" '£250 for a week at a health centre', the brochure said, 'lose weight and give up smoking', it said, 'guaranteed results' it said...'

An old man exercising with hourglasses

"I've had a lot of exercise today! I jumped to several conclusions, ran my mouth on the phone, and I just cycled through 500 cable channels!"

"How long were you in that headstand?"

Jimmy had a very active imagination.

Woman weighing herself while holding balloons

"My blood type...it's the type that doesn't like to exercise."

And this model comes with a fitness tracker.

No caption (A lumberjack runs on a rolling log in a machine built like a treadmill).

'It's the new iPed. It's a pedometer, a GPS, and it has apps that show you the nearest ice cream parlors and dessert shops.'

"Professor Williams had at first been reluctant to join the Assistant Deans in their Think Great Thoughts aerobics. He later came to enjoy the activity."

Jeff was watching his weight.

'It's just a recliner with built-in heart rate monitor. But look at how many big inflatable balls are sold as exercise equipment.'

'I think cowboys are just plain lazy: Why else would you have to carry them all the time?'

'Flipping the remote and clicking the mouse are his low-impact aerobics.'

"We daren't go in there at our age. We'd probably end up with slipped discos!"

Airport Security. I had to go through the security pat-down three times --- They had trouble believing this is just my body and I'm not hiding anything.

'I felt an overwhelming nostalgia for the old video games where you sit on your arse.'

'if your wife ever asks you to meet her at Pilates...don't! It's not a pizzeria.'

An overweight lazy man chooses to exercise on a motorbike at a gym.

"No, I'm sorry Geoff. I still can't remember you ever having a six pack there."

End of summer fantasy vs. end of summer reality.

Just for laughs, let's throw a few folks off course.

"Now bend forward to touch floor between feet- try to keep knees straight."

Excercising demons

'You need an exercise program other than bar-hopping.'

"Last year, you said you were signing up to a gym...it it nice?"

"Yes... I'd like to cancel my membership to the company fitness program immediately."

'Bud's body is in a pretty good shape; it's his mind that needs work.'

The closest I get to running these days is jogging my memory!

'I did a push-up once - It didn't do me any good at ALL!'

home fitness/fatness

'My doctor has put me on a strict NO-STRETCH exercise program.'

"So, let's see what your fitness band says today."

"Should I bother working out if no one knows my identity?"