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'But all the blueberries. . . the wholegrains. . . the skimmed milk. . . the decaffeinated coffee. . . the broccoli. . . you mean it's all been for nothing?'

Proponent of good diet and vigorous exercise - Mr. Tramp does admit to an occasional sweet...

'It's for your own good, Albert. The doctor says you have to stick to your diet.'

'I sent out for everything.'

"Cheers! Well, this is exciting. I've never had a dinner date with a duck before." "Relax, honey. I'm just here for the bread."

"Boil, toil and trouble, I wish I'd never started this risotto."

"My emotional support dog ate my comfort food."

"And the cheese in your omelette? Cheddar, Brie, aged Gouda, Morbier, Torta del Casar, Double Gloucester, Époisses, Shropshire blue, or American?"

"I'd like the garden salad with the blue cheese dressing, and my mother would like me married by age thirty."

'I'll have the crab cake, and he'll have the crabby cake.'

Every barbecue has its winners and losers.

"You do like octopus?"

"Even the waiters here are organic."

I was holding out okay, until he made it into crumb cake.

'Sorry sir, we've run out of parmesan cheese.'

Ice Cream Surgeon

What the Doctor Ordered

I'm looking for a man who can meet my needs - Cream meringue master-chef.

"When I was your age. I was really smelly."

'Oh man I've got a splitting headache.'

Cow's Last Will and Testament.

La Table

'My diet's good...I'm two weeks ahead of schedule.'

Fast food. Even faster food

"Good cholesterol, bad cholesterol. Good cholesterol, bad cholesterol. Finally, I cracked."

Newton discovers gravity and apple sauce in the same day.

"Easy for you to say - you're cured!"

Cut out and keep your own Christmas Caterer.

"Rump roast?"

'He made an excellent jelly.'

Two books: 'The Joy of Cooking' next to 'The Joy of Dieting'.

'On the contrary... I'm too tough for the steak!'

"The space aliens who abducted me wanted to know what it was like to be loved...I wasted no time."

"To paraprase Nietzsche, there is no pleasure with out pain au chocolat."

Pigeon Little