Fishkeeping Pillows

Think Tank

"Please, Al. You know the backstroke scares the children."

'Looks like you're underwater on your mortgage.'

Fish trying to get food.

"Look, I know you and I have had our differences, but can we at least agree that the goldfish is pointless?"

'There goes the world's largest fish.'

I think it's time somebody changed our water!

'What's our ETA?'

Freud at a crossroads: 'Psychoanalysis should relieve stress and anxiety...but so does looking at fish.'

'I told him not to install central air.'

'We're gonna need an accountant.'

'Get lost!'

'Honey, it was really sweet of you to invite the Wilsons over, but didn't it occur to you that they might not be saltwater fish?'

Overeaters anonymous meeting today at 5:00.

"Oh wonderful! You just couldn't resist it could you?"

"This isn't what I had in mind, when you said you were going to buy me some waterfront property."

'We had a lot to drink last night.'

'Trampoline...pogo stick...got any other genius ideas?'

'I prefer it this way.'

Gold fish with bill - "What the hell do you spend it on woman?"

'You go on without me. I wait half an hour after eating, before I go swimming.'

Fish Hiccups

'Of course there's no one else!'

"We really need to hire a landscaper."

"Well, this must be as big as I'm supposed to get."

'Aside from the claustrophobia, ground up meal worms, depression and looking at you pucker your lips all day...life is just peachy!'

"Watching him work those spreadsheets all day can be very relaxing."

"Reincarnated as a goldfish, I must have done something terrible in a previous existance...I must have been a piranha"

'Well, the man at the pet shop assured me that they were goldfish.'

'I'm telling you, he jumped!'

"Terry had to put his mom in an aquarium."

"You're the greatest* mom ever!" *except for those 3 times you tried to eat me when I was a baby guppy!"

'Hey! I was just sleeping!' A goldfish is almost flushed down the toilet.

'Don't you have a better escape plan than that?'

'Make sure you stay in the shallow end.'