Fishkeeping Pillows

Think Tank

"Please, Al. You know the backstroke scares the children."

'Looks like you're underwater on your mortgage.'

Fish trying to get food.

"Look, I know you and I have had our differences, but can we at least agree that the goldfish is pointless?"

'There goes the world's largest fish.'

'What's our ETA?'

Freud at a crossroads: 'Psychoanalysis should relieve stress and anxiety...but so does looking at fish.'

'We're gonna need an accountant.'

'Get lost!'

"This isn't what I had in mind, when you said you were going to buy me some waterfront property."

Overeaters anonymous meeting today at 5:00.

'Honey, it was really sweet of you to invite the Wilsons over, but didn't it occur to you that they might not be saltwater fish?'

"Oh wonderful! You just couldn't resist it could you?"

'I prefer it this way.'

'We had a lot to drink last night.'

'You go on without me. I wait half an hour after eating, before I go swimming.'

'Of course there's no one else!'

Gold fish with bill - "What the hell do you spend it on woman?"

"We really need to hire a landscaper."

Fish Hiccups

'Well, the man at the pet shop assured me that they were goldfish.'

"Well, this must be as big as I'm supposed to get."

'Make sure you stay in the shallow end.'

"Terry had to put his mom in an aquarium."

"Do you ever feel we are being watched?!"

"Watching him work those spreadsheets all day can be very relaxing."

"Did you get a christmas bonus, dear?"

'Hey! I was just sleeping!' A goldfish is almost flushed down the toilet.

"Reincarnated as a goldfish, I must have done something terrible in a previous existance...I must have been a piranha"

'That's where you're wrong. I have bought you something really appropriate for our Golden Wedding anniversary...'

"You're the greatest* mom ever!" *except for those 3 times you tried to eat me when I was a baby guppy!"

'Don't you have a better escape plan than that?'

'I've made my choice - when do we order?'

'Aside from the claustrophobia, ground up meal worms, depression and looking at you pucker your lips all day...life is just peachy!'