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'Get lost, two's company, three's a shoal.'

"I'd like the garden salad with the blue cheese dressing, and my mother would like me married by age thirty."

'Ahhh...'

'The lads at the office still talk about the day you told the boss what to do with his job...'

'I didn't dedicate my book, A Lifetime of Wine Tasting, to my 3 ex-wives and nine kids, because they made it possible. I did it because they made it necessary.'

Oligarchy

"Hi, I'm Pop!"

A kangeroo and it's baby read books about understanding each other.

"Dear? The toothpaste is on the top shelf. Don't touch the tube on the bottom shelf, that's Grandma's triple strength epoxy denture adhesive."

'I demand a DNA test.'

"Now the geeks hold all the power. They're the ones who know how to forge a parent's e-signature."

"Papa Bear was too much, Mama Bear wasn't enough, and I always had to be just right."

'Dad, when do I stop being a wholly owned subsidy of you and Mom?'

"Having nannies really changes you."

"If I ever start turning into my father do me a favor and don't turn into my mother."

"Next time, dear, ask me first before you invite a friend over for dinner."

'Jones, I don't like you because it's so hard to find something to blame you for!'

"I'll probably die an old woman before I get that bedtime story."

"But I brought you here so I wouldn't have to play with you."

'She knew we'd try to talk her-out of it.'

"Why don't you move over here, Mr. Lowery, where you'll be closer to everything."

"If you really loved me you wouldn't have called me Euthanasia!"

"Mom, Dad, this is Kevin, our new ombudsman."

Would anybody else like to ask a question before the stewards get to them?

'We're playing I'm a mummy with lots of different daddies.'

"She may be awhile. Her mother's helping her park."

"I like to think that each generation will need a little less therapy than the generation before."

"If you see this as motherly advice, we have a whole new subject to explore."

That's the chairman's office.

I'm here to update your census form. Since you mailed the form in, have any of your children moved back in with you?

"Helen, is it possible that we are using our child as an intimacy barrier?"

"Ask Mom for Sweet Chunk Cookies. If she says no, ask Grandma."

'Today is my day to baby sit.'

"Now that's power."

"it's just... we're too lazy to have any of our own."