Fiscal Fortune Tellers T-Shirts

Beware of the 4th Quarter

Guy at drink stand says to Medium: 'Medium?'

"Although technically it's a profit and loss statement, the narrative is admittedly rather one-sided."

'Any minute now I'll be getting a headache.'

"The sweater you knit him will be thrown out in February."

"I forsee you will have a better chance of winning the lottery than growing your testicles back."

"This paw has you meeting a lovely poodle, an enchantress who will win your heart... but look, here, this is telling me she's lousy with fleas."

Asking out a palm reader.

Don't worry, I see babies, lots of babies...

'... And this is Goldsmith, our futures consultant.'

Quantum Psychic

"I'm not sure you'll want to know this."

'I suppose we've got to keep a sense of perspective. The Greeks waste our money, the French merely spend it.'

'Oh, no - I have to read each tentacle - that'll be extra, of course.'

"Tell her she's dead. I don't want to talk about the relationship."

"What is it? You're not wet or hungry. Mommy's not a mind reader. OK, I am, but I've never been very good at it."

Channelling on the Cheap

'I see you in five years from now, you're still coming to see me. Do you want me to book the appointments in advance?'

Madame Lucille - Fortune Teller 'I predict the future'.

Using psychic powers, the final exam had been a breeze. However, Madame Evetta did not realize that the student in front of her from who she had obtained the majority of her answers, was Bugs Higgins.

Madame ZuZu. Dream Interpretation. Tarot. Palms. She says the dream where I'm taking a test naked means I barely made it through school.

Pie Filling Reader

"I see a pretty lady who looks a lot like you....a very kind lady...and she's adopting what appears to be a box of adorable kittens!"

'If you had been born two days later you'd have been kind and clever with a great sense of humour.'

Psychic to Leylandii tree - 'You will reach great heights.'

"Seriously, do you expect us to believe you put on 143 feet a day in business travel?"

"You will meet a tall, mysterious stranger — you will rub fur on his pant leg."

Roy, if you can hear me, the Mets are twenty games over .500 and they have a good shot at clinching the N. L. East."

"I used to be a medium, but now I'm a large."

'I'm sorry, Madam Zola. I'm afraid you no longer have second sight.'

"I can't really tell you the future but I'll tell you what's trending on Twitter."

"You are going to have lots of puppies."

"It will be all your fault."

'I see adventure in your future. Yes. You're going to be a culinary adventure.'

'... And your wife says; don't bother looking for the key to the drinks cabinet, because she's hidden it where you'll never find it.'