First-person Shooter Fan Gifts

Donald Trump said he'd have run into that school shooting without a gun to stop it. I'm way ahead of you, Randy. I've already developed a first-person shooter based on the Call of Duty engine. You play Trump, all decked out in his usual black suit and red power tie. Video-game Trump has to personally take out all of America's enemies. He's armed with nothing but his uncouth tweets. Game has a bug, though. As soon as it starts, video-game Trump keeps getting deferments because of bone spurs. Call

"The company that makes the 'Call of Duty' game licensed my life story..."

What an afternoon. Rudy, listen to me. It didn't mean anything. You can't play Xbox 360 all afternoon with a guy and pretend it means nothing. I was drunk! You loved it - all of it. The racing and arcade games, the first-person shooters, but especially ... No ... WWF Wrestling Smackdown. I'm a married woman!

'You've caught a bad chill. You must avoid draughts for a couple of weeks.'

'Under new business, is anyone wearing a wire?'

Have you seen my iPhone? No. You lost it? I may have misplaced it. Big deal. You hate it. It'll turn up. Exactly, I hate it. I absolutely hate it. I especially hate the Scrabble app and I absolutely can't wait to find the phone so I can mock it further! Help: I love my iPhone. Oh dear. Trouble brewing. To be continued ...

'And this war game comes with an AK 47.'

There's nothing awesome to see at the movies these days. What're you talking about? Avengers 2 just came out. I know. It's been out for like an entire weekend. It's old news. The next blockbuster is "Mad Max," and that's not out until the 15th! Hollywood is totally neglecting the entire May 4th-to-May-15th window! That kind of gaping hole is unconscionable. You can always watch "In the Name of My Daughter."

Daisy had the fastest udders in the west field.

'No, no, Ben, you don't retrieve these birds!'

"Someday man will find a peaceful use for my machines."

'Choked on his own vomit. I wonder how many points you get for that.'

"It's so nice out, we decided to let our phones play outside."

"Quenching your thirst for vengeance on his cowering carcass will have to wait; his schedule is full. I can squeeze you in next Friday."

Kday & Knight Chemist

'Oh sure, he's the fastest in the west alright, until it comes to buying a round.'

'Wow! What graphics.'

'Do not do anything reprehensible you are on camera'

Why are you so hostile toward books? Um, where to start: The waste of paper, the lack of multimedia, the one-way nature of the medium. One-way? Authors stuff ideas down your throat. You can't interact with their ideas. You can't crowdsource the direction, or refine the plot or do anything active. You can't shoot anyone. Shoot? I might play a shooting app called Angry Books if the books you were destroying were cute.

"What're you doing for Thanksgiving, little buddy?" "Having a huge party." "It'll be full of turkey, cranberry sauce, wine, eggnog, football, and friends and family who love me dearly." "Oh, good. I was afraid you'd be alone all day playing video games." "'Turkey Slaughter VI' is no ordinary game." "You're coming to my place."

Priorities.

'You know, back when I was a kid, all we needed to have fun was an old tin can... that and a really low standard for what was fun.'

'Long time no see, 'Slim.' I'm guessing you're not as fast as you used to be.'

"You need glasses, Roy."

"Frankly, I'm a little uncomfortable with how fast this relationship is moving."

'I can remember when you could only get mindless violence from TV.'

Super PAC man.

'So if I'm hearing you correctly, you drive over broken yellow lines pretending that you're Pac-Man.'

'I though that kids only play electronic games, these days.'

"Another Wordle show-off."

Grouse shooting late in the season. Jolly, very.

I've been playing around with deep fake technology. I took photos of everyone who ever bullied me

"Of course, I'm merely thinking out loud, but why don't we just quit?"

'This time Kennedy's shooting back.'

Long queue.