First Job Interview Gifts

'As the intern, it'll be your job to work for free.'

'Please excuse my mother, this is my first interview.'

'Your first interview, Mr Jason?'

'You must have one arm shorter than the other.'

"Er...but we haven't said yes yet."

'W e e e l l . . . my mum says I'm good at testing the patience of saints'

'Your ad said no experience necessary.'

"First impressions are important. Maybe you should sharpen yourself before the interview."

"This is my first job interview, so I'd like to apologize for my tie not matching my flip flops."

"I don't know what it is. I never get by the first interview."

'Very impressive. Do you have any post-kindergarten education?'

'One good thing about the salary - you won't be liable for income tax.'

Good at making up sickie excuses Is not a job skill.

"I hope you love kids - there goes your boss."

'Well, young man, I see this is your first job interview.'

'I like your appearance. I'm sure we can find you a place in the company.'

'Any recommendations besides these report cards saying you work well with others?'

'How fast can you hype?'

"Oh, yes, and there's plenty of opportunity for advancement."

Formal SuitsBusiness SuitsBirthday Suits.

'Your resume is a little thin, but I like your willingness to be manipulated by upper management.'

"Fill out an application? Can't I just text it?"

"So, I see you have a background in advertising..."

"If this goes badly I'm going to post it on my youtube job interview bloopers channel."

'Very impressive educational background...now let's discuss WHO you know.!

"No training period, but you can purchase my instructional video on line for $49.95."

"You're just the man we're looking for. Come around to this side of the desk, and I'll gather up my things and get the heck out of here."

"And where have you previously moused?"

"These are the principal qualities we're looking for in our new recruits."

"Where would you see yourself in five years' time?"

Please sit down. I can give you five minutes.

'You'll have to take an online company aptitude test, but if you're the designer we're looking for, you've already designed an app for that.'

"There are no big jobs, only small machines."

'Pick a contract...any contract!'

'Can you do more work then is humanly possible?'