First Insurance Policy Gifts

'I got all woozy reading the restrictions in my health insurance contract!'

'I want to forewarn you that my HMO won't approve any treatment that uses a needle.'

'Jimmy Chang gets his allowance in Yuan, and his parents let him buy and sell precious metals...'

Armstrong, the only doctor covered in the new health plan you got me is a veterinarian! Beats no coverage. Yeah, if you're a parakeet. You're so cheap. You don't value me at all. You ingrate. I didn't have to give you health benefits. Lots of employers don't cover their animals. You mean workers. Stop your barking.

'But he qualifies for medicare in dog years.'

'Frankly, our dental plan bites.'

Children's Dreams on Christmas Eve

'Pre-existing conditions - What did YOU die of?'

'I'm sorry. It looks like your insurance company doesn't cover pre-existing life.'

Obama Healthcare.

"Do Mr. Reaper, do you have health insurance?"

'I know the answer. I just need a moment to come to grips with it.'

"You have a co-pay...two cookies and a glass of milk."

'A 10M bonus for your thoughts.'

'After giving a recorded statement to these people, being grilled by 60 Minutes would seem like a piece of cake.'

"You'll be awake during the entire procedure. Your HMO won't cover the Anesthesia."

'Your cat scan looks fine, your pet scan looks fine, your MRI looks fine, but your insurance reimbursement doesn't look fine.'

'The scariest story I know is escalating health care costs.'

Auto parts, Lite Puff Pastries, & Health Insurance Exchange.

'The position carries no salary, just healthcare coverage.'

"I'm prescribing a patch. It will dispense meds as permitted by your insurance company."

'Relax, we're letting you go. Your insurance didn't go through.'

"May I offer you a side of life insurance?"

Single Prayer Health Insurance

Healthy Patients Only

'Incidentally, our health insurance has limited eye coverage.'

'Make a patriotic decision. Do you want your son to live in a public health insurance tyranny or do you want to let him die as a free American who doesn't have the money to pay for medical treatment?'

"And, for insurance purposes, you must buy insurance."

'You know, this is a pretty dangerous line of work you're in...'

An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of insurance forms.

"Darling, do you remember where I put the insurance policies?"

"They say that 'laughter is the best medicine', which is great because your health plan doesn't cover the real stuff!"

'And that,and that,and that...'

'Excuse me, sir. Could you spare $2000,000 to treat an uninsurable pre-existing condition?'

'I don't think you can claim for this as a substitute car ...'