First Aid Humor Lover Pillows

"If you don't want stitches, that's fine. Suture self."

"I've done this procedure so often I could do it in my sleep. But that's only happened twice – that I'll admit to."

"I'm afraid we'll have to operate. Your appendix has an infection and it's extremely aggressive."

"She's in a conversationally induced coma."

'Before you see any patients have you completed your hand sterilisation and soap management course?'

"If you'd only come to me sooner I wouldn't have had to go to lunch."

'And when did you have your last owl movement?'

'I'm afraid that serves you right for not wearing your safety goggles!'

"All my symptoms are old ... "

"Because we dismissed his original self-diagnosis, he wants to give us his second opinion."

'Okay, Mom. I'm sorry I re-gifted one of the kidneys you gave me.'

Doctor performing an ultrasound on a Russian nesting doll

"I think it stopped breathing."

'Who wants to be examined first?'

'My boyfriend's a Cardiologist.'

'Good thing it has a child-proof cap.'

'Your 'bad' cholesterol levels are right off the chart.'

"These are my fish cymbalta, otezla, skyrizi, vraylar and stelara!"

"You'll feel a pinch and then a burn."

'Time for your pills.'

"My first night in the lab and I was clearly the smallest brain in the place."

I said, your bones ache because you’re old. I’m referring you to an archaeologist.

"The patient in 12-C needs comforting."

"It's probably a fracture - we'll do some imaging on it just to be sure."

'Quick, do a background search and see if this doctor passed his boards!'

Brian surgeon squeezing brains from a tube.

"You need the toilet. . . hang on I think I've got an app for that."

'Restless Peg Syndrome.'

'The doctor will be with you shortly, he's finishing medical school.'

There's Nothing Worse Than A Staff Infection

'Side effects may include....'

'That's not what I meant by 'IV'.'

'My goodness, how many miricle drugs did they give you?'

"Bad news. Your use-by date was a month ago."