First Aid Humorist Pillows

'Hang on, Donny - Heimlin...Heinlit..dang! How do you spell that thing'

"Now, how can I be of assistance?"

"It does have a side effect. You'll faint when I tell you how much it will cost to produce."

"If you don't want stitches, that's fine. Suture self."

"I’ve tried to make this as painless as possible ... clearly I’ve failed."

'Is there another doctor in the house? He wants a second opinion.'

Ice Cream Surgeon

"Unfortunately, your son swallowed a great deal of industrial adhesive. But don't worry: Epoxy can be cured."

'Goodness, no Doctor, my husband is not calling you any insulting names. He's a duck and that's the only word he knows.'

"And as soon as he's on the mend,we'll get the physiotherapist in here with a ball of twine."

Man is stopped from entering doctor's surgery by a receptionist dressed as a bouncer.

"Until the plaster sets, try not to laugh."

"The first one's just a warning."

'You're going to have to make some changes in your lifestyle.'

"And I want you to meet Coco, your anesthesiologist."

Doctor pulling golf caddy sees patient pulling oxygen caddy.

Surgeon finds a doohickey on the patient's thingamabob.

"She's in a conversationally induced coma."

"Would you please step back to the machine while I make an adjustment?"

Medical Building Directory: Dr. Larry Nix, Dr. Sally Putty, etc..

Cardiac Recovery.

Vlad the Inhaler

"The tests confirms you have short-term memory loss."

"Hope you don't mind, but I can't find my little hammer."

"The answer to bone loss is to bury them deeper.'

'No, Mr. Simmons, your MR images aren't in yet. We have older equipment, which takes a little longer to process.'

'ooh! A womb with a view.'

'Maybe it is psychosomatic.'

'But they told me to take her down to theatre...'

"That's an awfully large small intestine and an awfully small large intestine."

Robodoc... the NHS surgeon of the future.

"I won't stick my tongue out. You told me it was rude."

'and remember delivery is free if it happens in a half hour!'

Then get under cover before you are struck by lightning.

"She fell down stairs again, so this is her third hip."