First Aid Humor Lover Gifts

"No, he isn't choking. He coughed."

"If you don't want stitches, that's fine. Suture self."

"I've done this procedure so often I could do it in my sleep. But that's only happened twice – that I'll admit to."

"I'm afraid we'll have to operate. Your appendix has an infection and it's extremely aggressive."

"She's in a conversationally induced coma."

"If you'd only come to me sooner I wouldn't have had to go to lunch."

'Before you see any patients have you completed your hand sterilisation and soap management course?'

'And when did you have your last owl movement?'

'I'm afraid that serves you right for not wearing your safety goggles!'

"Because we dismissed his original self-diagnosis, he wants to give us his second opinion."

"All my symptoms are old ... "

'Okay, Mom. I'm sorry I re-gifted one of the kidneys you gave me.'

Doctor performing an ultrasound on a Russian nesting doll

"I think it stopped breathing."

'Who wants to be examined first?'

'My boyfriend's a Cardiologist.'

'Good thing it has a child-proof cap.'

'Your 'bad' cholesterol levels are right off the chart.'

"These are my fish cymbalta, otezla, skyrizi, vraylar and stelara!"

'Time for your pills.'

"The patient in 12-C needs comforting."

"My first night in the lab and I was clearly the smallest brain in the place."

"You'll feel a pinch and then a burn."

I said, your bones ache because you’re old. I’m referring you to an archaeologist.

"It's probably a fracture - we'll do some imaging on it just to be sure."

'Quick, do a background search and see if this doctor passed his boards!'

Brian surgeon squeezing brains from a tube.

'Restless Peg Syndrome.'

"You need the toilet. . . hang on I think I've got an app for that."

'The doctor will be with you shortly, he's finishing medical school.'

'That's not what I meant by 'IV'.'

Wait a minute…What operating system are you using?… Common techie question.

'Side effects may include....'

There's Nothing Worse Than A Staff Infection

'My goodness, how many miricle drugs did they give you?'