Fireplace Maintenance Gifts

101 uses of a dead cat: bellows.

Plant Lady

Good News about winter

'Dang it, I just washed this street. Boy, every time...'

"These colder temperatures always cause my tire pressure to drop—it's a good thing I stopped to check." Peter finally grows up.

'Garfield has told the oil companies to go to hell.'

"I sensed you needed my help. I’m Saint &@!#%&!!, the patron saint of cursing."

Neighbor Leaf Wars

Home De-Po. Things you need for your project. Things you didn't know you needed until you were halfway through your project.

'I'm not sure which I like best - the fake fire or the fake man with brandy glass in front of it.'

Relaxing in front of a fire.

Lazy plumber.

"OK then, I admit it. Installing the log burner was a bad idea!"

"I'm really getting burned out here at work."

"If history has taught us anything, it's taught us that there have been a ridiculous number of books written about history."

"If you need anything in the building, just call the super. This is the only known photo of him."

"Hello. I'm here to install the new pastor."

"Go back! The place is full of mold!"

"Wow, Grog, fire and drawings. This is quite an entertainment center you have here."

Energy Conservation Be Damned. Fred constantly prepared for Global Warming and Nuclear Winter to happen at the same time.

Portrait sweating above a fireplace

"Bailey! That's not funny!!"

'The fire seems to be drawing well.'

'Home sweet home'.

Lawn mower - must get longer cable

"It's times like this I wish I was ore than just an armchair plumber."

Scotland Yard - coal heavers singing in a public house

The sound of a crackling fire licking at seasoned logs...

"Richard P. Ruggles—a man and his mantelpiece."

"It just doesn't crackle like the one on Netflix."

Sharon's more of a do-it-yourselfer.

Two Cats 'I just love curling up without a good book.'

"Remember when I told you rust might become a problem in the future?"

Now that we can't afford heating oil our pension check is finally good for something.

Please roll over and breathe the other way.