Fireplace Maintenance Gifts

101 uses of a dead cat: bellows.

Plant Lady

Good News about winter

'Dang it, I just washed this street. Boy, every time...'

"These colder temperatures always cause my tire pressure to drop—it's a good thing I stopped to check." Peter finally grows up.

'Garfield has told the oil companies to go to hell.'

"I sensed you needed my help. I’m Saint &@!#%&!!, the patron saint of cursing."

Neighbor Leaf Wars

'I'm not sure which I like best - the fake fire or the fake man with brandy glass in front of it.'

Relaxing in front of a fire.

Lazy plumber.

"OK then, I admit it. Installing the log burner was a bad idea!"

"If you need anything in the building, just call the super. This is the only known photo of him."

"If history has taught us anything, it's taught us that there have been a ridiculous number of books written about history."

"I'm really getting burned out here at work."

"Hello. I'm here to install the new pastor."

"Wow, Grog, fire and drawings. This is quite an entertainment center you have here."

"Go back! The place is full of mold!"

Energy Conservation Be Damned. Fred constantly prepared for Global Warming and Nuclear Winter to happen at the same time.

Portrait sweating above a fireplace

"Bailey! That's not funny!!"

'The fire seems to be drawing well.'

"It's times like this I wish I was ore than just an armchair plumber."

Scotland Yard - coal heavers singing in a public house

'Home sweet home'.

Lawn mower - must get longer cable

Now that we can't afford heating oil our pension check is finally good for something.

The sound of a crackling fire licking at seasoned logs...

Two Cats 'I just love curling up without a good book.'

"It just doesn't crackle like the one on Netflix."

"Richard P. Ruggles—a man and his mantelpiece."

Dog in front of fire, wearing slippers, reading paper, smoking pipe, with tea and bones. Owner says: 'Stay!'

Collecting logs