Fire Tamers Pillows

Firemen keeping their fire under control.

'Next time you lose the school's keys, please call a locksmith instead of using a blow torch on the door.'

"I got a gold star for going the longest without looking at my phone in class."

On August 14, 2011 at app. 2:00 p, Derek Winslow made scientific history by converting an item of the animal kingdom into an item of the plant kingdom.

"He's not talking yet, but sometimes we give him peanut butter to make it look like he is."

"I cancelled the cable, turned off the phone, shut down the internet. . . where the hell am I??"

His New Grillfriend

'You change him, and I'll change the tire.'

Burnt or Raw?

"Okay - who wants theirs well done?"

"You like yours well done, right?"

"He won't stop and ask for directions when he COOKS, either."

Toys in the DVD Player.

Need an elevated state of mind too!

Timber preservation

Parent is going to elaborate lengths to get the baby to eat.

'Bar-B-Q lit yet?'

I love Science.

'Before we start, would everyone please put your cell phone in the middle of the table?'

'How do you like your steaks? Scorched, burnt or cremated?'

"I find that my strongest passwords are those created when the cat walks across the keyboard."

'None of the other things had instructions.'

'I changed my mind...I'm not thirsty anymore.'

"Good luck Mr. Bond, you have one minute to diffuse this tantrum."

"Who like 'em well done?"

"When Stan's barbecuing nothings ever 'well done'."

Philip Nye – cycle chiropractor

'Storm'

"Shall I phone the fire brigade yet."

Babies

I think these suits have feet in them so we won't leave prints

"I know he's little, but he uses it."

'Continue gently simmering for ten minutes...'

"Our driverless smart car texted me saying it went to get an oil change because I was too lazy to do it. Is there a way to disable its rudeness?"

'The only thing I grow in my garden is tired!'