Fine Foods Aficionado T-Shirts

'Sorry, I don't have any water -- But how about some Grey Poupon?'

"Your food didn't melt, young man... this is the soup course."

"The menu just says fried fish, but may I give you a more compelling, surprisingly lyrical description?"

"And I'll also take my steak raw thank you."

'Of course you're very dear to me - that meal just cost a fortune.'

'Only the years when the market was Bullish...'

"Waiter! Two of your finest menus!"

'This is one of our most recent vintages!'

'We don't 'skimp' on the pour, sir; we're just generous with the glass.'

'Er . . . and a fork for me...'

'Waiter...my entrée fell over.'

"Hmmm ... you're right — I forgot the brie."

Gaston's Gourmet Truckstop

"Which wine would you pair with the complimentary bread and butter?"

'I'm sure M'lady will appreciate the mashed potatoes. Our chef uses only grass-fed single-udder butter.'

Periodic table for two. Chez LMN't

'Wine, high octane grape juice.'

"Have you decided on what you'd like to have?"

'You're lucky there, Sir. That's the last one in the world.'

"We have plenty of time to catch the ark."

'Do you want your zebra de la margola rare, medium or well done?'

"Waiter, there's a hare in my salad!"

"The wine has subtle hints of expensive pretension, but it's balanced nicely by the screw cap."

"Room for dessert, folks?"

"Expense account or regular?"

"The chef recommends the tilapia. However, I really like the vodka."

'In case of fire, don't panic, pay your bill then run like hell.'

Wordplay: Export.

"In our house the four major food groups are Bordeaux, Merlot, Chardonnay and Champagne."

"They won't even try their palate cleansers!"

"The prices they charge here, you'd expect them to have an oven not just a gas ring!"

"How's the salmon?"

'I'm sorry, sir, but it's hats off for the Chef's Special!'

"I think we'll pass up the Château Mouton-Rothschild '34."

"I detect a subtle bouquet of money."