Fine Dining Funster T-Shirts

"The special is… pine nut encrusted… filet of salmon… in a balsamic wine reduction."

"Your food didn't melt, young man... this is the soup course."

"The menu just says fried fish, but may I give you a more compelling, surprisingly lyrical description?"

"And I'll also take my steak raw thank you."

"You'll love this. It's swarthy yet munificent, didactic and gregarious with hints of dogma."

"Monsieur, si vous plaît. I'm sure I ordered the fusilli and not the Fusilier."

"I have no idea what, hic, went wrong. I did everything, hic, Mario Batali said."

'Why, of course I remember our first date -- I had filet mignon, potatoes au gratin, sauteed....'

'This is one of our most recent vintages!'

'Of course you're very dear to me - that meal just cost a fortune.'

"Waiter! Two of your finest menus!"

Dinner at the Trapdoors

'Only the years when the market was Bullish...'

Restaurant Francais: All you can pronounce £30.

Night of the Latkes

Cut out and keep your own Christmas Caterer.

'Er . . . and a fork for me...'

"Tonight, perhaps Mrs. Lewis would prefer this quiet little table for two from which to send back her entrée?"

'Eight years old, huh? If it's so good, why didn't somebody drink it eight years ago?'

'Wait until you taste the artisanal water. It's not to be believed.'

'Waiter...my entrée fell over.'

It turns out they don't go together so well,

'Protein, starch, vegetable??? When you said 'square meal' I thought PIZZA IN A BOX!'

"Compliments to the chef! Pass it on."

Can I give you a slice of the action?

"Which wine would you pair with the complimentary bread and butter?"

Gaston's Gourmet Truckstop

"Everything taste so divinely artisanal."

'No, I'm not the sommelier; in fact, I don't even work here - I've just always wanted to try this wine.'

'I'm sure M'lady will appreciate the mashed potatoes. Our chef uses only grass-fed single-udder butter.'

"Is the MSG local?"

Dog Dressed to Eat

Hamish Harris. The boy bon vivant.

"Grass...Grass and more damn grass... What I wouldn't give for a lightly poached Dover sole with a garlic infused tarragon sauce."