Fine Dining Funster T-Shirts

"The special is… pine nut encrusted… filet of salmon… in a balsamic wine reduction."

"Your food didn't melt, young man... this is the soup course."

"The menu just says fried fish, but may I give you a more compelling, surprisingly lyrical description?"

"And I'll also take my steak raw thank you."

"Monsieur, si vous plaît. I'm sure I ordered the fusilli and not the Fusilier."

"Vintage? What would you like it to be?"

"You'll love this. It's swarthy yet munificent, didactic and gregarious with hints of dogma."

Dinner at the Trapdoors

'This is one of our most recent vintages!'

"I have no idea what, hic, went wrong. I did everything, hic, Mario Batali said."

"Waiter! Two of your finest menus!"

'Why, of course I remember our first date -- I had filet mignon, potatoes au gratin, sauteed....'

'Of course you're very dear to me - that meal just cost a fortune.'

'Only the years when the market was Bullish...'

Restaurant Francais: All you can pronounce £30.

Night of the Latkes

'Er . . . and a fork for me...'

"Tonight, perhaps Mrs. Lewis would prefer this quiet little table for two from which to send back her entrée?"

Cut out and keep your own Christmas Caterer.

'Eight years old, huh? If it's so good, why didn't somebody drink it eight years ago?'

Can I give you a slice of the action?

'Waiter...my entrée fell over.'

"Compliments to the chef! Pass it on."

'Wait until you taste the artisanal water. It's not to be believed.'

It turns out they don't go together so well,

'Protein, starch, vegetable??? When you said 'square meal' I thought PIZZA IN A BOX!'

'I'm sure M'lady will appreciate the mashed potatoes. Our chef uses only grass-fed single-udder butter.'

"Everything taste so divinely artisanal."

"Which wine would you pair with the complimentary bread and butter?"

Gaston's Gourmet Truckstop

"Is the MSG local?"

'No, I'm not the sommelier; in fact, I don't even work here - I've just always wanted to try this wine.'

Hamish Harris. The boy bon vivant.

Dog Dressed to Eat

Desert $2.75. See? -- It wasn't a typo.