Financially-savvy Patient Gifts

'Open wide.' 'Your wallet.'

'Our admission policy is now simplicity itself. If you have the tuition, you're in.'

'Office' block tightening it's belt

Squirrel putting nuts in a safe box.

"Surgery up here is free!"

'The surgery is expensive. We'll have to numb you from the wallet down.'

Hell, "I think there's been some sort of mistake, I still owe my soul to the mortgage company"

Martin hated dining alone – but loved the savings.

'It's not my childhood that traumatised me. It's the size of your bills.'

Sunshine Retirement Villa: Pool, Golf, Tennis and Financial Planner.

"The social conservative in me tells me to pay for dinner, but the fiscal conservative thinks we should split it."

"You were the one who said we couldn't afford a new vacuum, so stop moaning and suck harder!"

"I'm so much more relaxed now that I got a reverse mortgage."

"I hate to ask for money, but I have a lot of student loans to pay off."

"You'll be out of here before you know it. Our auditor just went over your financial situation."

'So far, all I can tell you for sure is how much I've charged you.'

"It's cut my heating bills right down."

"Don't complain to your dad about your student loans. He's still paying his off."

'This is going to hurt, I'm afraid. . .I can't afford to pay.'

"The Chancellor insists on people getting 'advice' on what to do with their pension ports if they cash them in."

"In going over your retirement papers, Wilcox. I've discovered you owe your soul to the company store."

"Harold, have you reaped huge gains that you have not told me about?"

"I'm going to prescribe a generic placebo."

'The good news is that the person who stole your identity is spending a lot less money than you were.'

"Someone forgot to pay this bill so they're repossessing our furniture."

'Doc, before you jab it to me, what's the sticker price?'

'Dad, can I put my pocket money into a pension fund to protect me from the economic winter?'

"Papi, do we have enough net financial assets to meet essential living expenses for nine months if our source of income disappears?"

"It's elective surgery. Shouldn't I get a discount for the time you save not dealing with insurance forms?"

Non-Profit-Organization

Staying together for the pension.

'Why don't you put your money in the Bank, instead of stuffing it under the mattress?'

'You would save money on the long run if you'd let me throw in an autopsy with the procedure.'

'I appreciate all you've done to help me to relax but I still get nervous twinges when I get your bill.'

Doctor uses his stethoscope on the patient's wallet.