Financial Strategists Gifts

'Three stars means the stock has been approved by Alan Greenspan, Ben Bernanke, and Janet Yellen.'

'Your business plan demonstrates that you have traded prudently, invested wisely and grown at a sensible rate. All your projections look accurate. I'm afraid that in the current economic climate there is no way that this bank can invest...'

"My friend's in long-term hospital care. Got any Get Rich Quick cards?"

"Gosh, now we could afford to go into farming..."

Dr. McWit contemplates The Big Bank Theory

'When I was a youngster I was going to be a Rock GOD, but the allure of working with multi-denominational tax efficient offshore bonds proved too strong.'

"Your mom and I fully support you in your pursuit of a college education...but...it's just gotten too costly and we're not going to fund you after this semester."

I've got the answer to all those letters from the Tax Office.

Building society, savers rates -"Well, what shall we do with the interest, leave it in or withdraw it and buy a pot of tea for two?"

The RAF salute the world of banking

"As a foolproof retirement plan hoping that one of the Kardashians falls for you might be a little optimistic."

Social Security: Spin Here - Investment Indicator

"Good news! Our financial problems are over. We just have to make one small change in our lifestyle. We can't buy anything from now until Memorial Day."

"I love coming out of a recession, don't you?"

"We're both unemployed and we're broke...we have to go to that next level of American desperation."

'Here at Farley Investments, we stock to the basics...'

'Thank Heavens, we're saved!'

'Instead of a reverse mortgage, we've decided on a reverse lifestyle.'

"Someone's been tinkering with your adjustable-rate mortgage."

'...Suggest you put most of your money in accident insurance.'

'Sir, what's this big once in a lifetime nonnegotiable deduction?'

'In our thirty years of marriage she's squirreled away loads of money, but she can't remember where.'

'Maybe we should go with this health policy, Darren. The premiums are quite low and the only stipulation seems to be that we're not allowed to file any claims.'

Conservative approach superheroes

"I'm so sorry that I screamed...I had a terrible dream: the kids had to leave college and live with us again...Oh, Ed, it was horrible!"

"Our light bill is astronomical living next to a black hole."

"Gentlemen, we're missing a great opportunity by not hitching this company to the current tailspin."

'Now that we've defined 'happy deficits' let's try it out on the stockholders.'

"Well, either you're hopelessly optimistic or hopelessly short-sighted."

'He's refusing to die as a protest against Inheritance Tax.'

You can breed these if the environment is right.

"I just..."

'The recession is over, again.'

'You shouldn't have taken that personal pension.' 'You shouldn't have taken that endowment mortgage.' 'When do you get your free tv license?' Job's comforters, today.

"Well, Comstock, still regret putting our profits back into research?"