Financial Planning Milestone Gifts

Ostrich head in sand.

"If we don't give up the cars, holidays and meals out we'll never save enough in our pension to have a decent retirement."

A day late and a dollar short doesn't sound so bad until you see all the finance charges.

"Forget about tall and handsome. What about portfolio 10 year highs and lows?"

'What I don't understand is how all three of us managed to get the figures wrong!'

"Forget five-year plans. Let's just figure out how to make it to lunch."

Golly, �1m a year isn't too much. I don't know why your shareholders don't understand you.

The day the stock market went UP.

"I’ve combined all your outstanding debt into what we here in the banking business like to call a honkin’ big loan."

'Please remember that these figures could be off as much as two dollars.'

'The prevailing wisdom is that markets are always right. I think that luck is always right.'

'It has come to my attention that we need to hedge against our five-year plan.'

'It's rather unorthodox, but it appears the deposit refund on the empties will cover your first interest payment.'

"Work hard. Save money. Work hard. Save money. Work hard. Save money. Work hard. Save money. Yay!!! I died rich!"

'We're finding out that those 'wrongs' we made 'right' were actually right after all.'

"We need to reset our fiscal compass to the changing business horizon."

"I'm from brokers without borders. Invest in deserted island reits!"

"Some day, son, all this will be your ex-wife's."

"We were able to retire 6 years early by canceling cable & eliminating anything fun."

"If I made as much as him, I could retire in a couple of days"

"Oh indeed I did: I went feral for a year when I was young. It taught me a lot about the world, but about myself too..."

Watering Money

'I know about the birds and the bees. Tell me about the bears and the bulls.'

"Cash, Jordan. That's what separates man from the apes."

'Dammit - how do we get in on that gross national product?'

'If only I'd spent as much time on my investment portfolio as I did on my lolly mix when I was a kid.'

"I'd like to thank my parents and my creditors for making this possible."

I'm not making enough money to like you.

Day trading.

'The bad news is it's all our client's money.'

'When investment bankers give parental advice'

'You have to reconcile your gross habits with your net income.'

Graph Your Relatives!

'You shouldn't have taken that personal pension.' 'You shouldn't have taken that endowment mortgage.' 'When do you get your free tv license?' Job's comforters, today.

'The economy being what it is, we've had to make a few changes in your retirement plan. . .'