Financial Planner's Dream Gifts

Saving for Retirement.

'What I don't understand is how all three of us managed to get the figures wrong!'

"Maybe now, we could look at customer care'?"

"Work hard. Save money. Work hard. Save money. Work hard. Save money. Work hard. Save money. Yay!!! I died rich!"

"Would you say that the sales projections in your 3 year plan are realistic?"

"Your wonderful daughter and I would like to become engaged in F.Y. '97, married in F.Y. '98, and if the numbers look good, start a family in F.Y. '99."

'Office' block tightening it's belt

'Now, keep in mind that these numbers are only as accurate as the fictitious data, ludicrous assumptions and wishful thinking they're based upon!'

Squirrel putting nuts in a safe box.

"Actual results indicate that the statistical analysis of the data which projections were based on may have been wrong."

"Have you heard? There's talk about raising the retirement age to 170?"

'And as my chart clearly shows, I don't know anything.'

Fiscal cliff - US dollar falling over the edge.

European currency on the edge.

"The Capt'n maintains a balanced portfolio should include a number of off-shore accounts."

"Okay, money doesn't make you happy. So how about commodity futures?"

"Unfortunately Daddy already owes the government about 500,000 Pokemon cards."

"And we will absolutely start lending again as soon as we finish building our debtors' prison."

"Until we get a bigger chart, we're estimating it's now about up to here."

Day trading.

'There's more to life than winning. There's also losing - to offset taxable capital gains.'

'The good news is we're projecting a profit. The bad news is, none of us will be alive then.'

Graph Your Relatives!

'We are entering an era of thrift, so in place of champagne and canapes, there will be a jumble sale.'

'On the plus side we've saved money by getting all the numbers on one graph.'

"What a tragedy... he still had two years of his super left..."

Stock market Bull & Bear financial whirlwind.

"For details on the bear market, here's a bear..."

'The economy being what it is, we've had to make a few changes in your retirement plan. . .'

'And from what we've been able to determine, this is the tweak that broke the paradigm's back.'

'Your pediatrician? No. . . I'm your baby's college admissions representatives.'

'I know you're looking for a safe investment but have you ever heard of anyone getting wealthy investing in a bank account?'

'Honestly Bob, it's not that bad. If you can make as much next year as you did this year you'll be able to pay off your outstanding taxes for last year. That'll just leave the interest, the tax for this year and... my fees.'

"Your taxes,pension and health deductions have exceeded your wages - here's your bill."

"Of course, I'm perfectly willing to pay my income tax, but I stayed home all day on the fifteenth, and nobody came."