Financial Miracle Hunters Pillows

'Nothing else seems to have worked so we're going to try our luck with a holy man.'

Fishing with God

'Dial 1-900-Fortune.'

'This fortune cookie says 'buy oriental tea futures'...'

'Basically it's a stock that if a chain of near miraculous events would happen to occur, you'd make a bundle.'

'While your word is your bond, at this point it's a junk bond.'

'You'll be spending a little time in pilates purgatory but don't worry, those guys work miracles.'

Gambling on office building construction

'After only a few years in the market I had a small fortune - unfortunately I'd started out with a big one.'

'And who told you to give the Holy Shroud a good wash?'

Share Prices - "Due to a delay in installing our new computer price system, I can give you an answer immediately."

Oil explodes from the wishing well.

'Well I think it's worth a try!'

"I'm a little uneasy about the 'sometimes'."

"You didn't post anything on social media today. So, the church sent someone over to witness miracle."

'Remember son: not a borrower but a lender be.'

"Forget about tall and handsome. What about portfolio 10 year highs and lows?"

Fortune teller predicts a bigger family for worried parents.

'Maturity: the instant-degratification phase of life.'

Past Performance in No Guarantee of Future Results.

"I can't keep giving you stock tips. The SEC has been making 'insider trading' inquiries."

"This is Thurgood. He specializes in beaten-down stocks."

'Our stock has been going up all week. What are we doing right?'

"I spent all last year totally paralyzed with indecision about a career - isn't that some kinda tax deduction?"

'Looks like the gods are angry.'

"My ship came in, but the Government put it in dry dock."

How to bare up in a bare market.

'Sell during a boom; buy during a bust - that sounds more like Warren Buffett instead of Buddha.'

Vision Board: If you're reading this, it's not too late.

Advertisements for 'Brother Marsh- faith healer and Deacon 'Speed' Alton- emergency room'.

'The first step toward wisdom is accepting that no one knows exactly when to 'buy low' and 'sell high'.'

"Your next of kin is going to inherit a lot of money."

"Thank you, sir."

"Only another thousand points up and I'm even, honey."