Financial Health Guru Pillows

"He gave me a complete checkup form head to wallet."

'What I don't understand is how all three of us managed to get the figures wrong!'

Phrenology bust with sections for different currencies.

"These projections don't make sparkles shoot out my ass."

Golly, �1m a year isn't too much. I don't know why your shareholders don't understand you.

"I’ve combined all your outstanding debt into what we here in the banking business like to call a honkin’ big loan."

'Please remember that these figures could be off as much as two dollars.'

'And remember to emphasize we're giving them the opportunity to find a better job.'

Self help acupuncture

The president's men

'Can't they just switch to smaller barrels?'

"Helen brings home our second, third and fourth incomes."

'Progress of a bookshelf'

"Obviously some people here don't appreciate the gravity of our situation."

'If he knows so much about stocks and shares, how come he still has to work?'

"All I do is swim and eat plankton, but do I lose weight?"

You only have time for one: Choose your fighter - Exercise, Wash Your Hair, Eat, Breathe

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'We're finding out that those 'wrongs' we made 'right' were actually right after all.'

"We need to reset our fiscal compass to the changing business horizon."

'Now, keep in mind that these numbers are only as accurate as the fictitious data, ludicrous assumptions and wishful thinking they're based upon!'

"The economy always seems to be recovering, but it never recovers."

The best financial decision I ever made.

'Investment charts can be complicated, son, but that usually means, 'bonuses'.'

'I'm just not sure how much more I can teach you.'

The economy.

'Eat less. Drink less. Be merry more.'

'Let's just wait here until the federal stimulus returns.'

"Hoskins, try saying 'profits are up' without the finger quotes, okay?"

E.U. Banking Union.

'Twenty years ago I began jogging five miles a day - could you tell me where I am?'

'We're living in a round hole economy.'

"We need to change, but WHEN?"

Fiscal cliff - US dollar falling over the edge.