Financial Comic Pillows

"Any questions?" (Company's down the toilet.)

"The government wants us to wear these bonus hazard suits."

"I keep feeling we should float the company"

Entering the Business Community: Assets/Liabilities

"The Capt'n maintains a balanced portfolio should include a number of off-shore accounts."

"I'd like to thank my parents and my creditors for making this possible."

"Why yes, there was an extra five thousand dollars in my pay check last week...er...I thought it was a raise."

'On the plus side we've saved money by getting all the numbers on one graph.'

"Might you explain to me how your division managed to spend twenty-six thousand dollars on tennis balls?"

'The reason I like this guy's stock picks is, he's not burdened by having any experience in finance whatsoever.'

"Call security, Miss Rightman. I have an overwhelming urge to throw good money after bad"

Money Bar.

"When the company announced that they're gonna move our retirement accounts down to Mexico, I was like '401 Que Pasa?'"

'How to time the market' seminar - 2pm, postponed to 3pm, then to 4pm.

"Oh I have plenty of sex appeal. It's all here in my bank baalance."

'This is our golden anniversary. Let's invest in gold.'

"True, a salary cap on Wall Street may limit the talent pool, but, on the other hand, if they get any more talented we'll all be broke."

But under a different accounting convention ...

'You've been pre-approved for another credit card.'

'Instead of jail time, our head of finance chose the stock option.'

"Aren't you the estate agent who sold us this house?"

'As part of our alternative budget management strategy we've got Tim on 'Hail Marys' in here and Geoff sacrificing a goat to Woden next door!'

'Mr. Hickey really knows how to keep our stockholders meetings short and sweet!'

'Can you see the future of my 401(k)?'

Yes, they are all dependants."

The Euro - R.I.P.

White Collar Crime.

"I have the profit sharing figures. You owe the company �2,367.25."

'Sorry, folks! The CEO and Board of Directors didn't show up.'

"The margin of error is plus or minus one hundred percent."

'Our tabby was pre-approved for a credit card!'

'That's it gentlemen, we're broke. Anybody know any good jokes?'

'How's daddy's little deductions doing?'

'It's like a bull market, only not as aggressive. It's more like a steer market.'