Film Professor T-Shirts

"Citizen Kane first draft... Citizen Kane By Orson Welles & Herman J. Mankiewicz Int. Kane's bedroom Kane's old voice Call a freaking ambulance! Rosebud..."

"For the best picture not having won anything thereby being eliminated from this category..."

Screenwriters pitch movie to studio boss: 'It's a reinterpretation of Bicycle Thieves, that classic of Italian neo-realism. We're calling it, Dude, Where's My Chopper?'

James Bond in a Snow Globe

Director/Action Man toy.

"Do you see yourself becoming a movie in five years?"

'This is my partner. He'll be taking care of the small print.'

Department of Theatre, Film and Television: Lights...Camera...Unemployment!

"I'll do the movie but I want to be highly compensated and highly acclaimed."

'Take a few days off. Suck some necks ...'

Men looking at black screen, "I call it film noir"

Ernie Studios. Hi, Ernie. What movies are you working on? We have a script about astronauts marooned on a planet filed with talking gorillas who are in hard economic times. I think I'll call it "The Apes of Wrath"! We're casting "Reignman." The central character is a savant monarch. And we're filming a movie about a suburban town populated by women with strange, long hair ... It's called "The Stepford Weaves."

Stand-up Romcom

'Ignorance of the law is no excuse, especially when you're majoring in Law.'

Working in the Hazard Zone!

Gene Wilder as Willy Wonka

"I remember when the death of the hero meant the end of the sequels. Now it marks the beginning of the prequels."

"I'm sorry, we're looking for the voice of a spunky animated turnip and your reading is more fruit than vegetable if you understand what I mean."

Reese Witherspoon

'Forget the DaVinci Code! I'm still trying to crack the tax code!'

Steve McQueen

"Boy, this blooper reel from 'Manchester by the Sea' is a crack-up."

"Oh, this old thing?"

Standard endings for sci-fi movies...

"The Supreme Court says a corporation is a 'person?' Well, have you ever tried to take a corporation out for a nice, friendly beer?"

'... and the winner for 'The Noisiest Picture of the Year' is...'

This side is the gag reel.

'...And now, the film most criticized for eroding traditional family values, the nominees are...'

Jimmy Cagney.

Now Playing at the Europlex

'I love this street...it's so real man...'

Arnold's first day on the job - 'What do you mean...no director!!!...and who is going to tell me what to do?'

Filming Christmas

"And the award for the best use of AI in a movie goes to..."

Studied the Constitution. Didn't like it.