Film-loving Author Gifts

"Soon to be a motion picture."

"Thanks to the Oscars, we're going to be the hottest finger food this season."

Screenwriters pitch movie to studio boss: 'It's a reinterpretation of Bicycle Thieves, that classic of Italian neo-realism. We're calling it, Dude, Where's My Chopper?'

"This is the perfect way to watch movies if you love mosquitoes and having a cold, wet butt."

Herman Mankiewicz

'I couldn't do my term paper because they've never made a movie about Rutherford B. Hayes.'

'The secret to doing a book report is only picking books that have been made in to movies.'

"Let's talk film or let's not talk film - I'm easy."

"I like movies that resemble my life, so I don't feel like I'm wasting time watching a movie."

Working in the Hazard Zone!

Sign in book shop window: 'Critics agree the book is much better than the movie.'

"Death Star? Is that in the Valley?"

Getting to Know You

'This is the worst film noir I've ever seen.'

'You don't want weather? Not a problem! How about sports, or maybe a nice movie? We can do that! Just put that thing down and let's talk, OK?'

"At some point, there's only so high you can raise the volume before you admit you're never gonna understand what British detectives are saying."

This is the new Director's Cut version of Hansel and Gretel...with additional scenes and three alternative endings!!!

"Don't open me, you fool!"

'How's this new concept? Instead of a gunfight, the hero overpowers the villian with a heartfelt homily on the sanctity of family values.'

'Come quick: Rin Tin Tin is on TV again...'

"Spoiler alert."

"Want to deal with some unresolved issues or just get another movie."

Kirsten Johnson

"'Tis but a scratch — in America, I'd still have to go in for work today."

"I'm sick of watching the same movie every day."

'Oh, nothing, just babysitting the Lord of the Rings.'

"Why don't you just go and see this summer's feel-good movie?"

"Everybody on the bus today was played by Anthony Hopkins."

Man writing at laptop says: 'It's a UK road movie ??" to give it more scale, I'm making the characters three inches tall.'

'Personally, I love your script, but Rex is pretty certain he smells a bomb!'

'No, when something blows up it doesn't buffer, that's just special effects.'

'Harlow, why can't you be passionate like Mel Gibson?'

Quentin Tarantino

Harriet Walter

'What do you mean, 'pass the remote control'?... We're at the cinema!'