Filing Fan Gifts

'This should be fun... this is my brother-in-law's tax return!'

Full work boxes: 'IN and MORE IN'.

"I've put on a few ounces, but it's mostly paperweight."

En garde!

"He thinks he never makes mistakes."

"Who's the new guy that keeps nibbling on my neck?"

"You and your daft inventions."

Starvation Watching

First past the post.

'Vanity, thy name is Maple.'

'Look, dear, they offer cloud storage for optimistic economic projections...it's called Cloud 9.'

House plants

Tortoise polishing his shell

"I love my luvvie."

A medical office filing cabinet has drawer labels that read, 'X-Rays,' 'Lab Work,' and 'Exam Room Banter'

"The director told me we were going to green-screen the cat in!"

A Fork-lift.

"Wake up."

En-guard dog.

'I havn't finished last years Marathon yet...'

Water.

"I've been sent to rub you out pal..."

"I wasn't dead yet."

Acupuncture.

Porcupines fencing with quills.

"I ask the jury, who among us would not have done the same, if given ready access to a huge vat of cheese and a lives streaming social media feed?"

'I remember when tea leaves were the state-of-the-art method of forecasting.'

"Thank you, sir."

"It started last week as a seed in a saucer of cotton wool."

'Oh. I thought it was just a typo on their sign.'

'The ref likes a good clean fight!'

"Peter went in last Sunday to prune...but I haven't seen him since"

Death awaits the last leaf of Autumn with a rake.

"Next time, I get to choose the weapon first."

'We've certainly come a long way from just a twenty per cent chance of precipitation in the form of snow.'