Fiery Humor Lover Pillows

'And remember, lady, down here the toilet seat stays up!'

When insurance agents pass away....

'Am I being too suspicious or do you think it's possible that they're crooked?'

"No, it wasn't a sinkhole. Your old TV was so heavy the ground could no longer take the weight."

Gifts for a cloned baby!

"You left this on our ship."

"Look! No hands!"

"We have to take that science away from Tommy...he's genetically modified the cat!"

Crap from the future.

'Tiddles has left everything to an old folks' home.'

"And that's General Ambrose T. Spangler. He died in the Great Mustache Fire of 1897."

'Of course I stretched first. That's how I hurt myself.'

"I've never heard of it, either, but nothing ventured, nothing gained, I always say!"

"Sorry sir - the self-propelling pencils have all just walked out..."

Astral Projection

'This wine is dreadful - try some.'

Gardening Calendar: January - The Snow will be deep now...get out into the garden...

"Tonight I'm getting together with pals to sit around and croak."

Andy Oxidant meets Free Radical.

'I found the home maintenance manual in the attic. I think it's got mildew.'

"Daddy is off to work in a data mine."

Madame ZuZu. Dream Interpretation. Tarot. Palms. She says the dream where I'm taking a test naked means I barely made it through school.

He wanted a different one.

"My dream is to have a little house and a white picket fence wired with explosives."

"Yes, alright! I know it's a small mountain... I'm only a novice oracle."

"Despite thoroughly scraping the celebrity barrel, that Orwellian nightmare Celebrity Big Brother is back on our screens again."

"No monsters, but there's a tear in the carpeting and I see hardwood!"

The Hammer

Newark by Night. A new Dutch restaurant just opened. What do you know about Dutch cuisine? Nothing. But I'm a big fan of the "Dutch Treat" concept.

"You are still here."

'Can I have flies with that'

'So,,,apparently you're really a dude,'

"John, wake up, I think the mattress has stopped breathing."

Public footpath on a desert island.

"The candy on the pillow is a nicety of the house."