Field Hockey Fan Gifts

We're not picking you up from field hockey. Take the late bus. Ok then. I'll get home at 8:30, miss dinner and have no time to study. I'll fail my classes, never get a job and live the rest of my life with you. Not true! You have a bright future as an extortionist. Or soap opera star!

This team wouldn't intimidate kindergarteners. Stand up straight! Let me rephrase that. Standing up straight makes you look ten pounds lighter! That's soo sexist! And depressingly true.

"Good game, good game, nice game, namaste, good game, nice game ..."

'Why couldn't you throw like that in the game?'

The team video didn't spotlight my talents. I've hired my own film crew. They'll showcase my skills so college recruiters can see my strengths. Wow! How can the director pack so much into one little video? Great point! Daddy? Tell Steven Spielberg we're going feature length. Nice save!

Yeah, I've been driving in circles for an hour looking for a place to park. Zamboni.

"Lord Stanley's Cup...and Bailey"

The Real March of the Penguins.

'Why can't we go on a field trip to heaven?

Dating The Daughter Of A Hockey Goalie

Raging Bull on Ice

"Something's trying to get through the Astroturf!"

'You're allowed to pick up the ball before it stops rolling, you know.'

'...And remember' It's not whether your dads win or lose the fight in the stands. It's how you play the game.'

Always keep your eyes on the ball, Tigers!! Why? I never get to play. Crack. Whack! Any other questions? Will this get me out of practice?

'I had three catches dropped today.' - 'Yes, but the were dropped by spectators in the stand.'

"Hang on, I think we've got a Ring Ding here."

Kid to sister about Zamboni (ice smoothing machine): 'Yep, I think we're going to have a snow day.'

"Just so you know, despite the horrifying beating you're about to receive, I'm actually a pretty good hockey player."

Penguins - one is skating.

It's just a bad bruise. Field hockey balls can do damage. We'll have the doctor take a quick look. Quick?! It's rush hour! We're moving fine. Just wait. It's the 4:45 pm fall sports traffic jam. Next # 147. The doctors are: In out in in.

Football fan

White Wine on Ice!

Today we're making videos for college recruiters. We'll focus on your top field hockey assets. Becky's ball handling. Jen's power goals. Sarah's innovative kilt stylings. She's going into fashion design.

'Professional ice hockey is banning hits to the head...players may now back into each other when leaving the NHL parking lot.'

When Chess Pieces Play Hockey. Penalty Box. They gave me two minutes for checking.

Canadian Chess

Damaging to the sport's reputation...he's fallen asleep.

'Get out of bounds, Johnson! Turf shark!'

What's with all the cameras? They're filming seniors for college field hockey recruiters. I'll never be good enough to get admitted. It's just a game. In the real world. No one cared you even played. Then why do they make us do sports? To take your mind off all the college pressure!

'The league got tired of the fights, so they now make them battle it out over a poker game. The games are now 16 hours long.'

"Mom said Dad pulled a groin playing hockey. When will he realize he's not 60 anymore."

"He needs more exercise. I recommend a team sport like hockey. He'd make a good goalie."

Men on a shoot with a pointer dog

2018 Olympics