Fiction Fiend Gifts

"We love your manuscript! It's exactly the sort of big, sprawling epic we've been looking for!"

"In the first place, it isn't "maddening crowd.' It's 'madding crowd.' "

Meet Stephen Krkzk Author of 'Why Conspiracy Theories Are Nonsense'

'So you want an advance on your writer's block?'

Television Readers.

"For the last time stupid, you're tin man, you are not by any leap of the imagination, anything like Iron Man!"

'Look! The new long awaited, highly anticipated but ultimately disappointing novel by that guy you like.'

Characters jumping out of a book.

'Which wine goes best with 'the old man and the sea'?'

Emergency Hipster Beard

"Say hello to my little friend."

Through the Looking Glass - Queen Alice with Frog

'Sue didn't watch soap operas all the time. She also reads books'

Book Shop Plot Spoilers

A man with Dwarfism is reading Little Women.

"Regarding the plot of your novel ... what on earth were you thinking?"

"Is this fiction, non-fiction or historical fiction?"

Addicted to reading

"I'm ready for summer vacation! A good book takes you where you've never been!"

'It's very fast-paced. The book was over before I could finish reading it.'

Fellow Sheep of the Ring

"Barnes is morphing into some kind of strange creature. I warned him about eating out of the vending machines."

"Yes, could you discuss the inspiration for the protagonist? Specifically, the motivations which propel the direction of his narrative?" "I would prefer not to." "Bartleby, the author."

"It all happened so fast. 'Notable Book of the Year' to the remainder shelves to HERE in just six months!"

'You sloth and gluttony guys have it easy -- I'm here for envy!'

Sumo Love.

"He's writing a novel for the first time in decades. It has less to do with the urge to create or say something new, and more to do with the fact that all his previous books are now out of print."

Frankenstein's Ancestry

"And last week I nearly crashed while reading on the freeway..."

"He's So Your Type."

"I wish you would actually sell one of these novels...all these returned manuscripts are giving me backaches!"

Heaven

"First I alienated the apes who'd raised me. Then there was a lot of turmoil with the colonials pulling out. Now Jane and me are semi-retired and I haven't swing through the trees in ages. Want a drink?"

Stephen King

'Wait a minute....!