Fiction Evaluator Gifts

"Is this book a true story or is it true it's a story?"

"If i were to kiss you then there is a 17% probability that we might get married and that has a 24% likelihood that we'd have children with a 34% change of divorce...I'm not sure I can risk it."

"Is this what I want to be doing with my death?"

"Compare Calculate Contrast Before you make a move"

'We consult those with whom we agree, which is why I rarely consult my conscience.'

Final words on gravestones.

Rodin's Irish Judge

Jack and the Beanie stock.

"When you say you love your life, should I be happy for you?"

"I see that grading papers for the teacher is going to your head."

'He's judging our reserve pinot noir - five years to produce it, five seconds in his mouth.'

Critics In Love

'This is the time when the University started to rank our research by the number of publications, not the quality of the publications...'

"I just love your use of lying"

'We first met here - when I was doing your job.'

Sex Score

"That's it?! Boy exploits tree, tree suffers? Shel Silverstein was nuts!"

"An interesting selection, Dad, yet essentially a failure-as you can see, I'm still awake."

"My Dad has a way of making a long story even longer."

"Done with the evaluations? Great! Now let's evaluate the evaluations!"

"Has it been in your family long?"

'And as a new client of our law firm, you get this nifty neck brace to wear in court.'

"It's our first anniversary, so I've written up your performance review...."

'Another stupid ball of string. I was hoping for a tablet."

"Your resume shows you may have a future in our fiction department."

"Buying stuff online has rekindled Sean's literary ambitions. They're always asking for customer reviews."

A couple look at a graph on their bed

'My problem is that I'm a nice guy.'

"Also, that random comment you made three years ago will count against you."

No more neurotic people in my life, but will I be bored

'Your performance in bed?...On technical merit of artistic impression?'

'Your new boyfriend has potential, needs some omprovement. Overlooks a few things.' 'My husband is an estate agent.'

'Felton,has it occured to you that you may have taken a talent for self-effacement a bit too far?'

"The selection committee turned down my painting as 'tribe and banal' but they'd like to exhibit the envelope I sent it in."

'I'd just like to go back to the 'all this' that Ed took me away from.'