Fickle Fanatics Gifts

'I hate bloody football! It's just a bunch of over-rated, overpaid nancy boys kicking a b-' - 'Genuine football fans may leave work early to avoid missing the start of important World Cup fixtures.' - 'C'mon England!'

Campaign for Plain English

"Do you do temporary ones that last about two weeks?"

'This has all the makings of a fable. But first lets take lots of tests.'

"Be creative...!"

Giant Monster in Bath

'I'll place the bets. You just be sure to hit the hare with the tranquilizer.'

"Just browsing."

"After the big race, the tortoise and the hare are ordered to provide urine samples."

' Sheesh! I think people are getting tired of hearing those fables of Aesop's

Androcles, the Lion, and Sid, health insurance auditor.

"Same hectic routine every damn year. Mind if I hang back with you?"

Medieval King

"Have you seen what goes into that stuff?"

Scrabble with the Hares and Tortoise

"Madame, you're the most beautiful lady in the whole country and as sweet as apple pie!"

"Eye of newt. . . wing of bat. . . hair of dog!"

Latest support group: British actors who couldn't get a part in the Harry Potter films.

'Then, one day a kid yelled, 'Man, look at that ugly duck with the long neck and the black mole over it's beak.'. To think I spent years parading around thinking I was a swan.'

Toupee in a tin.

'They might be able to resist the candy, but no healthy child can walk by a freshly raked pile of leaves.'

We contend that the boy cried wolf too many times, leaving my client no choice but to eat him.

"Inside you there are two wolves..."

"Sorry, nature calls, I'll be back in five minutes: Suzie, you're in charge..."

"It seems I'm having some credibility issues."

Harry Sotter

The Emperor's New Followers

Rabbit and turtle.

At home with the pedants "It's raining small carnivorous quadrupedes" "Both feline and canine?"

Thanks for the heads up on the gelatinous cube!

Caution Fragile

Mermaid and old sailor

Aesop's Fables - The Lion and the Mouse

"Never eat a mouse who has medical skills."

"Stop it! You're killing me!"