Feud Enthusiast Pillows

"I don't just want to write. I want to be in literary feuds."

The Department of Really Stupid Ideas: 'Most people think they just appear out of thin air! But the truth is, there's a great deal of very hard work involved!'

"Tell me about this fear of couches."

"His first out-of-body experience."

"My emotional support dog ate my comfort food."

"Do you, Darlene, take Jim to be your lawfully wedded husband, when you could, clearly, do far better?"

"I've done this procedure so often I could do it in my sleep. But that's only happened twice – that I'll admit to."

'Fine stencilling. But have you never thought - Tit Willow, Tit Willow, Tit Willow?'

"The fish sticks here are very good."

Dog Walking Services

Skiing.

Squirrel Chasing a Dog

'No doubt about it Captain. See these markings? This arrow belongs to Robin Hood!'

Intelligent people laugh too!

"I've no idea. Maybe it's the slumber channel."

Shakespeare does stand-up comedy in the round.

"I'm afraid you could go at any time."

Clown throws a bucket of confetti over car at 'Jimbo's carwash'.

"This next one is called 'The Sermon on the Mount.'"

"I told you playing Pin the Tail on the Donkey was a dumb idea."

'He has your nose and my ears.'

'You're through around here.. turn in your rubber donut!'

'Run, run, as fast as you can!'

'Cat or dog?' - 'A little of both.'

"I forsee you will have a better chance of winning the lottery than growing your testicles back."

"Who's taking my order—the committee of the whole, or is there a liaison for decaf?"

"All our extras are ex-soccer players - they're the best at dramatically faking injuries."

It would be a painful forty five minutes before Arthur finally admitted he left his presentation at home.

"If i were to kiss you then there is a 17% probability that we might get married and that has a 24% likelihood that we'd have children with a 34% change of divorce...I'm not sure I can risk it."

Deer Season Open.

More Reasons To Beware Of Dog

"Wheel, schmeel—check these babies out!"

"Stinkin' fake news!"

"O.K. I'm just feeding in your personal details for a suitable match..."

Rusty, not believing in God, seized his chance...