Family Feud Enthusiast Pillows

'Well, now that I know he's the owner's son, yes, he's the best damned wine steward I've ever seen.'

"Why don't you come get me? Oh that's right, you aren't allowed on the couch!"

'She posted her first blog today.'

"He's my smart-aleck twin."

"I'm an oldest child trapped in the body of a middle child."

"Good work Tim, you snatch it all: none of this sharing with your brother nonsense..."

Whilst a dog is weeing at the base of a tree, a squirrel wees at the entrance of it's dog house.

"Oh, I'm sorry, did I ruin it for you by saying it was the butler who did it? Such a good book..."

'Mum, she pulled my mane!'

Strikeout Dog

"You can't live in our basement. Your brother beat you to it."

'I just don't understand... We hate the same movies, books, art, music, friends and relatives, and we agree that the world's a hopeless mess. With all that in common, why is our marriage falling apart?'

'...My tree! - No my tree!!'

"In my family we're forbidden from mentioning my uncle...he made his money with cat food stocks!"

"A phony attorney…I'm so disappointed, son. Your brother is a phony doctor."

It's folks like Mildred who make collectibles collectable!

"Mother, take your time, I know this isn’t easy for you. But this is an important moment in our lives, so I will ask you one more time, what on earth did you do with my old comic books?!"

BIG BUSINESS: "He's going places in this company - his father owns it!"

Sick Exhibitionist

'No hair or teeth, can't walk or talk -- he's kind of a starter kit.'

'Oh, yeah?...Well, no one has to follow me around with a pooper-scooper.'

'If she goes, we go!'

"The mainstream media has entered into a global conspiracy to make us less popular than dogs."

"Excluding our little granddaughter who calls me 'horrible old smellypops!'"

Bad Heir Day

"It's a dog tradition. Every morning and evening, we thank God that we're not cats."

"If he's a little bundle of joy, shouldn't he be laughing?"

Some conflicts never get resolved.

"We go to Stockholm, we accept our, prize, and then I never want to see your ugly mug again!"

"There's more than one way to skin a cat!" - Book signing.

"Tom..Tom, you promised not to flame my parents..."

'Your second cousin won a Nobel Prize in physics, and you don't know how gravity works?'