Family Conflict Enthusiast Pillows

"Mother, take your time, I know this isn’t easy for you. But this is an important moment in our lives, so I will ask you one more time, what on earth did you do with my old comic books?!"

"Frankly, now that he's an obnoxious teenager, I find it more and more difficult to muster the urge to protect him..."

'Hi hon! How's the little monster?'

The Family Joules: Part 16

"You can't prove that I broke it! Where's your physical evidence? Fingerprints or a DNA profile?"

"Have mercy on me, Mama. Have mercy on Mr. Pitiful."

"I need to know who started it."

"Darling... I think the Baby's been eating the fridge magnets again."

"Mom, please! I'm a married woman whose friends have been reviewed favourably by the New York Times."

"I couldn't possibly lick another baby right now."

"I'm an oldest child trapped in the body of a middle child."

"Mum, Dad, I think I might be bipedal."

'Hi, I'm Bob and I'll be your waiter ... and this is my wife, Susan, and her two children from a former marriage, Jimmy and Cindy.'

'No hair or teeth, can't walk or talk - it's hard to believe we're related.'

"I fell in the mud again. Maybe I need a stunt double."

'Hey, Mom, here comes Frankie's tailor!'

"Some day you'll look back at this and remember me as the person who taught you to fear water."

'I'm very confused. I never had a father. I was raised by two mummies.'

'It's funny really - when your father's home he hardly ever says a word!'

'Dad won't buy me a puppy, so I'm teaching him to bark!'

"She bathes him. She feeds him. She burps him. Mother's a real micromanager."

"We tried to play nicely, but frankly it's not as much fun as tormenting each other."

"Do let me know if I'm getting in the way, won't you?"

"Mom, are you going to properly vet the baby before you bring her home from the hospital?"

"It's easy to understand the theory of evolution when you have a brother!"

"We're looking forward to this little bundle of joy bringing out the worst in each of us."

"Oh, you silly girl, you! Don't tell me you brought home another husband."

Black and white penguins with gray and black and white child.

'Who says women don't like chase scenes?'

"Act your birth order!"

'Life if so much simpler since we called Family Ref.'

'I used to think it was her red dress, but I've discovered I find your mother irritating in any color.'

'I try to run my family like a democracy, but what I really need is a line-item veto.'

'My sales training was right. The person in the highest chair is dominant.'

'Grandparents! This time last year I wasn't good enough to marry your daughter, but now I've fathered the brightest child in the universe!'