Fete Gifts

You can take the girl out of Kew...

Prize vegetables.

Santa Claus's wife beats the soot out of his beard.

'You wouldn't happen to be sitting on my entry to the straightest runner bean competition?'

"Home depot."

Help! Have to pay back a big world bank loan.

Christmas Hugs

You Will Have a Merry Christmas. . . Resistance is Futile.

Reindeer

"Just as I feared. Tariffs."

'Twenty percent bluechips, ten percent small-caps, five percent currency hedges and the remainder in cash. Get that list to Santa right away.'

Dollar Sign Christmas Tree.

'Details of the summer fete can be found on our website. The address is on the notice board at the back of the church.'

'Listen, Santa. Either you repay what you owe, or we reposses Rudolph!'

Face painting - children have no faces

"Santa, snow is falling." "Sell snow!"

There IS a Santa Claus.

Santa using the stock exchange to keep track of stocks and bonds being good or bad as well as going up or down

"Well, if you expect me to be good, you'll have to bring me something better than the rubbish I got last year!"

Ventriloquist's fete

"Santa's trying to corner the futures market for coal in anticipation of his visit to Washington."

Shelf on an elf

'We had a white Christmas but we'll be in the red until April.'

'My competitor down the street sasses his parents.'

'For heaven's sake, Armitage... Can't you just accept 2nd place in the best leek category??'

'We'll soon know whether or not the Easter rabbit is real.'

Everybody is having a great time! I'm more than just the party host --- I'm the master of my fete!

'Number two - can you say: 'Screw the milk and cookies...where's the VCR?' In a cheerful, jolly voice?'

How it began: Mr. & Mrs. Clause

'An egg and spoon race! That's horrible!'

"We had this last year."

"Twenty percent bluechips, ten percent small-caps, five percent currency hedges and the remainder in cash. Get that list to Santa right away."

Have a cool yule!

'We've drunk a Christmas toast to my portfolio, now let's drink a Christmas toast to your portfolio.'

Too full after after Christmas dinner!