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Santa Claus Always Delivers

Santa sits in front of computers with naughty data and nice data screens.

"I don't believe in you!"

"It's Dr. Sadie. Go ahead, caller." "Yeah, how come you haven't said 'Merry Christmas' yet?" "Oh, that’s because I was hoping to provoke everyone who’s upset about the so-called 'war on Christmas' to spend all their time on hold waiting to castigate me. That way, all the normal people who don’t think Christmas is just another chance to play the victim can open their gifts in peace." "You're welcome, America." "Why haven't you played 'Jingle Bells' yet?"

"Of course, I'm willing to negotiate. . ."

Help! Have to pay back a big world bank loan.

'Tom will coordinate our pre-holiday point-of-purchase displays and Mark will coordinate our post holiday point-of-return displays.'

"Just as I feared. Tariffs."

'Santa is the delivery man, I'm the CEO. Do you know what a CEO is, Lisa?'

"Let's say an immediate $10.00 allowance increase plus an annual 8% cost of living raise and I'll call him off."

"Sponsoring Christmas this year was an act of sheer marketing genius."

'Naughty? Nice? Santa, I don't deal in absolutes.'

"Who cares what little kids think? What's important is that you believe in yourself."

'I don't believe in myself any more.'

'Due to budget cuts we are having to take on more temporary staff.'

"This year let's choose a Christmas card design that reflects the situation the country is in. Let's go for a design that says: Bah humbug!"

"That's Bridgeport from legal, he's got the consent forms."

'After talking to him. it's clear our only hope for a bonus this year is Santa Claus.'

'Sure, I'll take a meeting - but only if you've been very, very good,'

Santa using the stock exchange to keep track of stocks and bonds being good or bad as well as going up or down

"I'm looking for something that the recipient will be too embarrassed to regift."

There IS a Santa Claus.

"I think Santa has taken us offthe naughty list this year."

'What's all this 'naughty or nice' jazz? ? Haven't you ever heard of situational ethics?'

"I like the Easter Bunny - I find him less judgmental than Santa Claus."

" ... And the kids only like me for my presents."

Christmas escape plan

"This weekend is seriously messing with some of my previously held beliefs."

"Repent, lest the axe of judgement fall upon thee."

"For Christmas, Santa is bringing sales in at plan."

"The year may be over, but it'll be dragged back up on history tests for years to come."

'Year after year I play Santa, and I still don't know how to give.'

Xmas Labour Shortage

Gracie hatches a plan to trap Santa.