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Santa Claus Always Delivers

Santa sits in front of computers with naughty data and nice data screens.

"I don't believe in you!"

"It's Dr. Sadie. Go ahead, caller." "Yeah, how come you haven't said 'Merry Christmas' yet?" "Oh, that’s because I was hoping to provoke everyone who’s upset about the so-called 'war on Christmas' to spend all their time on hold waiting to castigate me. That way, all the normal people who don’t think Christmas is just another chance to play the victim can open their gifts in peace." "You're welcome, America." "Why haven't you played 'Jingle Bells' yet?"

"Of course, I'm willing to negotiate. . ."

Help! Have to pay back a big world bank loan.

'Tom will coordinate our pre-holiday point-of-purchase displays and Mark will coordinate our post holiday point-of-return displays.'

"Just as I feared. Tariffs."

'Santa is the delivery man, I'm the CEO. Do you know what a CEO is, Lisa?'

"Sponsoring Christmas this year was an act of sheer marketing genius."

"Let's say an immediate $10.00 allowance increase plus an annual 8% cost of living raise and I'll call him off."

'Naughty? Nice? Santa, I don't deal in absolutes.'

"Who cares what little kids think? What's important is that you believe in yourself."

'I don't believe in myself any more.'

'Due to budget cuts we are having to take on more temporary staff.'

'After talking to him. it's clear our only hope for a bonus this year is Santa Claus.'

"That's Bridgeport from legal, he's got the consent forms."

"This year let's choose a Christmas card design that reflects the situation the country is in. Let's go for a design that says: Bah humbug!"

Thanksgiving Feast. Get lots of turkey, but not too much of you'll have to take a pause at the nap box. I'm skipping the cranberries and going for the green beans and the potatoes. I'm at the stuffing now and getting bonus points for extra gravy! Hey! There's a shortcut through the corn, straight to the pumpkin pie! I win! Not so fast. You missed the most important spot where you give thanks for your family and friends. Oh, you're right. It's okay that I didn't win. I'll get you tomor

There IS a Santa Claus.

'Sure, I'll take a meeting - but only if you've been very, very good,'

"I'm looking for something that the recipient will be too embarrassed to regift."

Santa using the stock exchange to keep track of stocks and bonds being good or bad as well as going up or down

"I think Santa has taken us offthe naughty list this year."

"Santa's trying to corner the futures market for coal in anticipation of his visit to Washington."

'What's all this 'naughty or nice' jazz? ? Haven't you ever heard of situational ethics?'

"I like the Easter Bunny - I find him less judgmental than Santa Claus."

Christmas escape plan

" ... And the kids only like me for my presents."

"This weekend is seriously messing with some of my previously held beliefs."

"Repent, lest the axe of judgement fall upon thee."

"The year may be over, but it'll be dragged back up on history tests for years to come."

"For Christmas, Santa is bringing sales in at plan."

"I just keep getting this urge to say 'Bah Humbug'!"

Gracie hatches a plan to trap Santa.