Festive Season Burnout Gifts

'Blowtorch the decorations and weedkiller the tree.'

Where your mind & battle are los

"Studies show that children of immigrants are more likely to to take advanced math and science courses and more likely to take advanced placement tests in preparation for college."

"Hawaii, where are you folks going?"

"I know I'm a little early, but sometimes I need a break from that dreadfully cold weather."

"That's it lads, 364 days annual leave...what would we have done without our union!"

"Christmas drinks 'n' nibbles system"

'We must be 50,000 calories away from home by now.'

"I'd like a week off without any business related e-mail on my home computer."

"Damn. I think I missed the turn for Bethlehem."

Dear Santa, please can I have a powerful herbicide for Christmas. Best wishes, Adam.

"See? And you said you couldn't work from home."

"Ninja bread men"

Dear Diary. . . why, oh why, did I choose an adventure holiday?

Cut out and keep your own Christmas Caterer.

Tourists and their Pets.

'You can forget the Captain's table-we're not paying that kind of money just to eat with the crew!'

'How very Cumbria.'

Non-Denominational Carols

'Now it fits.'

'Lining my pockets with aluminum foil so I can sneak Thanksgiving leftovers home.'

"I can hardly wait...TWO WHOLE weeks without having to deal with mindless e-mails, incessant interruptions, boring meetings...."

* Let's stop here, they seem nice!

"'How We Die' - fabulous!"

Panettone

Workaholic's Hoilday Appartment

"So last Christmas it was those Cabbage Patch Kids."

"Here's the deal, boys. We need to see a little more bickering. We're doing a Reality Show."

'Thanksgiving's no holiday for turkeys or the women who cook them.'

Christmas Pets

'Do I get to take an 'elfie' with Santa, too?'

'I told you that letting him have a pet would cause a problem at migration time...'

"Do you think there's ANY possibility that the 76 pints of lager,13 bottles of wine and 12 kilos of chocolate you've had MAY have contributed to you feeling 'a bit under the weather'?"