Festive Season Burnout Gifts

'Blowtorch the decorations and weedkiller the tree.'

Where your mind & battle are los

"Studies show that children of immigrants are more likely to to take advanced math and science courses and more likely to take advanced placement tests in preparation for college."

"Hawaii, where are you folks going?"

"I know I'm a little early, but sometimes I need a break from that dreadfully cold weather."

'We must be 50,000 calories away from home by now.'

"Damn. I think I missed the turn for Bethlehem."

Dear Santa, please can I have a powerful herbicide for Christmas. Best wishes, Adam.

"That's it lads, 364 days annual leave...what would we have done without our union!"

"I'd like a week off without any business related e-mail on my home computer."

"Christmas drinks 'n' nibbles system"

"See? And you said you couldn't work from home."

"Ninja bread men"

Dear Diary. . . why, oh why, did I choose an adventure holiday?

Cut out and keep your own Christmas Caterer.

Retirement homes' 'pill fight'.

Tourists and their Pets.

'You can forget the Captain's table-we're not paying that kind of money just to eat with the crew!'

'How very Cumbria.'

'Sir, will that be business or first class?'

Non-Denominational Carols

'Lining my pockets with aluminum foil so I can sneak Thanksgiving leftovers home.'

'Now it fits.'

"I can hardly wait...TWO WHOLE weeks without having to deal with mindless e-mails, incessant interruptions, boring meetings...."

Christmas Pets

* Let's stop here, they seem nice!

Panettone

Frank & Ernie's Diner. Today: Yogurt Surprise. We call it "yogurt surprise" because we couldn't read the expiration date on the carton.

'Thanksgiving's no holiday for turkeys or the women who cook them.'

Workaholic's Hoilday Appartment

"'How We Die' - fabulous!"

"Here's the deal, boys. We need to see a little more bickering. We're doing a Reality Show."

"So last Christmas it was those Cabbage Patch Kids."

'I told you that letting him have a pet would cause a problem at migration time...'

'Do I get to take an 'elfie' with Santa, too?'