Festive Punster Pillows

'What do you mean you want a pay rise??? You only work once a year!!!'

Fleas Navidad.

"The Ford will give you a son, and you will call him a manual."

"He's one of my favourites. You feed him milk and cookies and he gives you a present."

'I wouldn't say this wine's name is long, but it's continued on the bottle next to it.'

"Whenever he shows up everything turns to crap!"

Intelligent people laugh too!

I'm allergic to parrots, so I got an aaaarrrrdvark.

Assault 'n' Vinegar

"Bad dog! I've told you to always proofread."

"Are your eel rolls electric?"

"Hey, pal, let's hear 'Doggie in the Window' again, and this time play it like you mean it!"

'Poor Kleinzweck -- his working hypothesis got laid off.'

Sweep the board.

Look! Up in the sky! It's absurd! It's inane! It's Malaprop Man! Malaprop Man, I hear you're fighting climate change now. Yes starting with solo panels, I'm reducing greenhouse guesses! I'm investing in buttery technology. I'm going to have windmeals. And of course, I've stopped drinking cola. Why is that? I'll have a smaller carbonated footprint!

"Not to brag or anything, but I'm the elephant in the room at my company."

'It's the report from the consultant. He says we should turn over the turnovers to improve turnover.'

'Did you watch the horror movie?'

'I've been a nervous rex all day.'

"Where's all your fish?" "I never should have bought 'coy' fish."

Adam names the animals (He puts sticky notes on them saying Shaz, Dave, Trish etc).

"Where were you between 4 and 6?"

Well... Tis the season to be jolly!

"No chips, but I did snag the new Hiaasen."

'What did I tell you? There's always a catch to those bargain internet travel fares...'

Chicken soup for the sole.

Dogs life

'It's worse than we thought: You've got termites.'

Kick Me! (sign on an anthropomorphized soccer ball)

"You wanted the magic back in our relationship..."

"So is this war movie rated R, rated PG, or rated RPG?"

Reptile Class: 'My homework ate my dog.'

'Hi, this is Batman. You've reached the Batcave. I'm not in right now but as soon as I return I'll call you bat.'

'He bought a donkey because he thought he might get a kick out of it.'

'I'm going to try that 'vegan' thing, Joe -- give me some beer nuts.'