Plastic Punster Pillows

"I had that done before the EU banned plastic."

'I wouldn't say this wine's name is long, but it's continued on the bottle next to it.'

"Whenever he shows up everything turns to crap!"

Intelligent people laugh too!

Ernie Studios. Hi, Ernie. What movies are you working on? We have a script about astronauts marooned on a planet filed with talking gorillas who are in hard economic times. I think I'll call it "The Apes of Wrath"! We're casting "Reignman." The central character is a savant monarch. And we're filming a movie about a suburban town populated by women with strange, long hair ... It's called "The Stepford Weaves."

I'm allergic to parrots, so I got an aaaarrrrdvark.

"Bad dog! I've told you to always proofread."

"Are your eel rolls electric?"

Assault 'n' Vinegar

"Hey, pal, let's hear 'Doggie in the Window' again, and this time play it like you mean it!"

'Poor Kleinzweck -- his working hypothesis got laid off.'

Sweep the board.

'It's the report from the consultant. He says we should turn over the turnovers to improve turnover.'

'I've been a nervous rex all day.'

'Did you watch the horror movie?'

"Not to brag or anything, but I'm the elephant in the room at my company."

Look! Up in the sky! It's absurd! It's inane! It's Malaprop Man! Malaprop Man, I hear you're fighting climate change now. Yes starting with solo panels, I'm reducing greenhouse guesses! I'm investing in buttery technology. I'm going to have windmeals. And of course, I've stopped drinking cola. Why is that? I'll have a smaller carbonated footprint!

Adam names the animals (He puts sticky notes on them saying Shaz, Dave, Trish etc).

Dogs life

'What did I tell you? There's always a catch to those bargain internet travel fares...'

"No chips, but I did snag the new Hiaasen."

"Where were you between 4 and 6?"

'It's worse than we thought: You've got termites.'

Kick Me! (sign on an anthropomorphized soccer ball)

'I'm going to try that 'vegan' thing, Joe -- give me some beer nuts.'

"Moby Richard by Herman Melville" "Wonderful! Not sure about the title—let's discuss editor."

"You wanted the magic back in our relationship..."

"So is this war movie rated R, rated PG, or rated RPG?"

'He bought a donkey because he thought he might get a kick out of it.'

Reptile Class: 'My homework ate my dog.'

'Hi, this is Batman. You've reached the Batcave. I'm not in right now but as soon as I return I'll call you bat.'

'When I said address the ball I didn't mean like that!'

Kamikaze Colour

Richard the Turd

'When she walks in she lights up the room...' 'It's living next to the nuclear plant.'