Festive Punster Gifts

'What do you mean you want a pay rise??? You only work once a year!!!'

"He's one of my favourites. You feed him milk and cookies and he gives you a present."

'I wouldn't say this wine's name is long, but it's continued on the bottle next to it.'

"Whenever he shows up everything turns to crap!"

Intelligent people laugh too!

I'm allergic to parrots, so I got an aaaarrrrdvark.

"Are your eel rolls electric?"

Assault 'n' Vinegar

"Bad dog! I've told you to always proofread."

"Hey, pal, let's hear 'Doggie in the Window' again, and this time play it like you mean it!"

'Poor Kleinzweck -- his working hypothesis got laid off.'

'It's the report from the consultant. He says we should turn over the turnovers to improve turnover.'

Sweep the board.

"Not to brag or anything, but I'm the elephant in the room at my company."

"Where's all your fish?" "I never should have bought 'coy' fish."

'I've been a nervous rex all day.'

'Did you watch the horror movie?'

Adam names the animals (He puts sticky notes on them saying Shaz, Dave, Trish etc).

"Where were you between 4 and 6?"

'What did I tell you? There's always a catch to those bargain internet travel fares...'

"No chips, but I did snag the new Hiaasen."

Dogs life

Well... Tis the season to be jolly!

'It's worse than we thought: You've got termites.'

Kick Me! (sign on an anthropomorphized soccer ball)

'He bought a donkey because he thought he might get a kick out of it.'

"So is this war movie rated R, rated PG, or rated RPG?"

'Hi, this is Batman. You've reached the Batcave. I'm not in right now but as soon as I return I'll call you bat.'

Reptile Class: 'My homework ate my dog.'

"Moby Richard by Herman Melville" "Wonderful! Not sure about the title—let's discuss editor."

"You wanted the magic back in our relationship..."

'I'm going to try that 'vegan' thing, Joe -- give me some beer nuts.'

'When I said address the ball I didn't mean like that!'

Kamikaze Colour

Richard the Turd