Festive Psychology Geek Gifts

Santa's chimney climbing is a fixation with mothers womb

"You do realize I'm going to have to bill you for ten?"

'Hmphh. Happy as clams, indeed. They're just all on Prozac.'

'Ho,ho,ho, but can you be more specific?'

"I don't believe in you!"

Help! Have to pay back a big world bank loan.

"You really clean up on these mileage deductions, don't you."

'I beleive I have a new approach to psychotherapy, but, like everything else, the FDA tells me it first has to be tested on mice.'

"I hope someday someone steals my identity and makes something out of my life."

"You can't be serious about all these travel expenses in December!"

"Are you outta your gourd?!!"

"I can't shake the feeling there's always someone looking over my shoulder."

Psychoanalyst turtle trying to help turtle patient come out of shell

If I have to eat another mouthful of that sludge I'm gonna puke...

Pavlov's Dog, Ph.D.

"This year let's choose a Christmas card design that reflects the situation the country is in. Let's go for a design that says: Bah humbug!"

"That's Bridgeport from legal, he's got the consent forms."

Clinical psychology involves observation of patients in clinics and related settings. Forensic psychology takes place at crime scenes. Cognitive psychology uses mathematical models. It can happen at a computer. Ernie prefers to put his patients in the car and drive backwards. Which is? Reverse psychology.

'You have to realise that as a potato you are a very complex carbohydrate.'

Cut out and keep your own Freud.

Santa Claus writes a 'Yule Blog'.

If you don't help me find happiness, you haven

"Were you even listening to me? I don't have a mother to blame anything on!"

"You may need to seek professional help."

I told you Norman Bates and Oedipus would have a lot to talk about.

"So, how's that new medication working for your paranoia?"

I was toilet trained a month early, and it's been downhill ever since

"Let's dig into that. When did you first start feeling like you lost the will to not live?"

Al, what's your real reason for wearing a beret? It keeps the voice in my head warm.

Psycho-plankton.

'Now let's explore your dark side.'

It was brighter than most, and Biggins allowed himself a quiet smile as he contemplated the immense speeds involved as it burned itself up in the atmosphere...

'I realize that you're upset that Oprah hasn't reviewed your new book on her show. But you are on MY show, so why don't you tell us what inspired you to write 'Overcoming Disappointment and Resentment.''

'Have you ever thought that being damned for all eternity to a lake of eternal fire might mask a deeper problem?'

'Let's set aside the role as the 'Bringer of Death' and explore your desire to dance,'