Festive Period Survivor Gifts

"Things have been rough since the merger."

"Christmas - what a fuss eh?"

"Damn. I think I missed the turn for Bethlehem."

"One more time, Mr Claus - who sold you the data?"

Mrs. Claus has a ladies night out.

'You and your 'Rescue the Reindeer' campaign!'

"We don't care about his nose. We won't let him play because he's not vaccinated and won't wear a mask!"

"I prefer to talk to Mrs. Claus. She doesn't care if I'm naughty or nice."

"Why would I want to meet Santa? I can just go home and log onto his social media page from the comfort of my bed."

Santa Claus You Are Welcome.

'Do I get to take an 'elfie' with Santa, too?'

A guide to seasons in the North East

'My purse! The original 24-hour pharmacy.'

"Do you feel your eyes have changed any since your last visit?" "No. They seem to be ho, ho, ho, holding their own."

"Well, I have an opening in Cloverdale Mall ... let me hear you say Ho Ho Ho."

"Could you help me fit nine days work into five and still see my family?"

"Darling, do you remember where I put the insurance policies?"

"We can do it on the net now... so it's off to the knackery for you."

"Well, what would YOU like for Christmas?"

"We're wasting our time. He gets them free at work."

"Daddy's taking him to the woodshed, again!"

'It's the worst possible diagnosis a bear can receive -- sleep apnea.'

'Here's an interesting article. 'Cold or Seasonal Allergy?''

'Leave the Iranian airspace at once!'

'Then it's approved. We move from the North Pole at once due to melting of the polar ice caps.'

'Yes, I think you better had ask Santa for it. Because there's no way I could afford to buy it.'

"And if you don't know what to say, just say, 'Ho, ho, ho!''

Great Moment in North Pole History

"Before someone says anything, yes, it was a long winter."

"For years after Vietnam, I woke up screaming about the cold weather in Toronto."

Accept cookies?

"Due to budget cuts, I will be your Ghost of Christmas Past, Present and Future."

"Each year John has so much trouble untangling the lights, they're on him longer than the tree!"

"I don't care what your father said, Santa likes milk and cookies NOT beer and pretzels!"

"Don't you love the smell of burning leather boots this time of year?"