Festive Humor Appreciators Gifts

"Santa, I want a boyfriend who has a pony."

Piranhaclaus

"Why would I want to meet Santa? I can just go home and log onto his social media page from the comfort of my bed."

Well... Tis the season to be jolly!

"The eggnog fountain is a bad idea."

"I always forget how much louder they sound in the country."

"And my client will be seeking significant damages for being mistakenly placed in the naughty column!"

'Maybe there is something in all this global warming stuff.'

'Kids like my presents, but do they really like me?'

Santa 'Freezing' Claus.

"You really clean up on these mileage deductions, don't you."

"Do you feel your eyes have changed any since your last visit?" "No. They seem to be ho, ho, ho, holding their own."

"As you can see, I've learned the alphabet."

"We don't use good and bad lists anymore. Now we have stupid, really stupid and completely nuts lists."

"Hi, my name is Rudolph." "Hi Rudolph." "And I have a drinking problem." "Hi Rudolph." "Hi Rudolph." "Hi Rudolph." "Hi Rudolph." "Hi Rudolph."

'I get that reaction a lot.'

Merry Sisyphus - Christmas pudding being pushed up a mountain.

Cat has unraveled Santa's suit

"Dear Santa, This Christmas please send clothes for all those poor naked girls on daddy's computer. Love, Veronica"

The Salivation army.

Santa with a boy on his knee:' I've got your 300 dollars. Did you bring your Mom and Dad's social security numbers and password information?'

"Just because you can go around the world in one night doesn't mean you can also do your taxes that way!"

"Doesn't it seem like we just finished letting the air out of last year's tree?"

"Sorry I'm late. We were delayed when Rudolph caught a drone in his antlers."

Be careful how you unwrap it I think it MIGHT be his stool sample!

Santa Enjoys Venison.

"You've got a fairy light at the back."

Ever vigilant, the restive Claus uses it to get an early start on the naughty and nice list.

'What do you mean I've been replaced by an 'app'...?'

Santa incorporates therapy into his repertoire.

'My Christmas bonus.'

"I'm sorry but I only employ elves..."

"I'm confused. We were trained to do our business outside, but then they bring in a tree that glows."

'I kept wondering for years...am I red with white stripes or white with red stripes? I became so mixed up. Now, look at me.'

"Any chance one of you might hang around and be our sitter for New Years Eve?"