Festive Funnies Gifts

'You know when kids are good or bad? Are you with NSA?'

Figgy warning.

"The eggnog fountain is a bad idea."

"I can't imagine why we didn't think of this before."

"And my client will be seeking significant damages for being mistakenly placed in the naughty column!"

"Merry Christmas"

'Maybe there is something in all this global warming stuff.'

"As you can see, I've learned the alphabet."

'There really IS a Santa!' Santa busts pets eating his milk and cookies

"A raise? You want me to give you a raise? Do I look like f*ckin' Santa Claus?"

"We can do it on the net now... so it's off to the knackery for you."

"We don't use good and bad lists anymore. Now we have stupid, really stupid and completely nuts lists."

'I get that reaction a lot.'

Merry Sisyphus - Christmas pudding being pushed up a mountain.

Santa Randy was fired and Santa Claus got the job.

"Sharp shooter, huh? Well, I was attacked by an ax murderer!"

"That's right, Robert. Santa sends us a copy of his naughty and nice list, and we send him our students' grades."

Cow asks the horse for the carrot.

'This mandarin chicken is delicious, Dad. It tastes like you bought it yourself.'

Night of the Living Reindeer

Be careful how you unwrap it I think it MIGHT be his stool sample!

'Still no Christmas card from the Pope? - We did send HIM once, didn't we?'

'I understand that you only use your vehicle once a year, Mr. Claus, but you drive over a million miles that night. That's why your premium is so high.'

"You've got a fairy light at the back."

New York City Santa with huge bag hails cab.

'Frankly, I think his caroling was better before he launched a solo career.'

Gracie hatches a plan to trap Santa.

'Sorry I Ate the Cookies Last Year.'

"My dad didn't get what he wanted for Christmas, so he went into his usual rage-display! So embarrassing..."

'The sun'll be up soon. Can I go downstairs now?'

'I'm not hopeful about my presents Mum - when I asked him, he didn't even know our address.'

"But, can he support you on what a store santa makes working one month a year?"

"Thank you and feel free to download the appropriate holiday greeting from my website."

Vaccine Reindeer

The animal and plant kingdoms unite to send to you Season's Greetings.