Festive Funnies Gifts

'You know when kids are good or bad? Are you with NSA?'

Figgy warning.

"I can't imagine why we didn't think of this before."

"The eggnog fountain is a bad idea."

"And my client will be seeking significant damages for being mistakenly placed in the naughty column!"

"Merry Christmas"

'Maybe there is something in all this global warming stuff.'

"As you can see, I've learned the alphabet."

'There really IS a Santa!' Santa busts pets eating his milk and cookies

"We don't use good and bad lists anymore. Now we have stupid, really stupid and completely nuts lists."

'I get that reaction a lot.'

"We can do it on the net now... so it's off to the knackery for you."

"A raise? You want me to give you a raise? Do I look like f*ckin' Santa Claus?"

Merry Sisyphus - Christmas pudding being pushed up a mountain.

Santa Randy was fired and Santa Claus got the job.

"That's right, Robert. Santa sends us a copy of his naughty and nice list, and we send him our students' grades."

Be careful how you unwrap it I think it MIGHT be his stool sample!

Cow asks the horse for the carrot.

'Still no Christmas card from the Pope? - We did send HIM once, didn't we?'

'This mandarin chicken is delicious, Dad. It tastes like you bought it yourself.'

'I understand that you only use your vehicle once a year, Mr. Claus, but you drive over a million miles that night. That's why your premium is so high.'

"You've got a fairy light at the back."

New York City Santa with huge bag hails cab.

'Frankly, I think his caroling was better before he launched a solo career.'

"Thank you and feel free to download the appropriate holiday greeting from my website."

Santa's grotto advertising 'Talk to Santa', is next to a diet clinic with a sign in the window, 'Santa, talk to us.'

The animal and plant kingdoms unite to send to you Season's Greetings.

Vaccine Reindeer

'The sun'll be up soon. Can I go downstairs now?'

Gracie hatches a plan to trap Santa.

'My Christmas bonus.'

"But, can he support you on what a store santa makes working one month a year?"

'Sorry I Ate the Cookies Last Year.'

'I'm not hopeful about my presents Mum - when I asked him, he didn't even know our address.'

"My dad didn't get what he wanted for Christmas, so he went into his usual rage-display! So embarrassing..."