Festive Football Fan Gifts

"Seeing as you've been so generous giving goals away lately, you're down to play Santa at the Christmas party!"

I like the Jets...I guess

"Let's go watch TV I hear there are bowl games on."

"Don't worry, Ref, just shock, it's his first save all season."

"England losing from a penalty shootout again!"

"Do you do temporary ones that last about two weeks?"

"He tested positive for a new fever ... TB12."

Football Chameleon

'Frank built it himself. The last football will fall through the hourglass 10 seconds before the Super Bowl starts.'

'Originally he was the mascot until we discovered he had a golden foot.'

If nobody had invented graphics

"You do realize his ‘nose so bright’ is going to attract a horde of Defense Department drones."

'I don't understand why you always put me in goal?!'

'Yes, Jenny, I know I'm always reminding the team to be good sports, but you really don't have to thank the ref after every call.'

Raheem Sterling

Pregnant Cheerleaders,

'Now that's the Group of Death.'

Football

"I'm not using my jumper as a goalpost, sir, I'm using it as a jumper."

'At least now the injury worries are over, we can concentrate on slagging off the team.'

'He's got abdominal pain, dizziness and soreness in his extremities. I'll know more when I see X-rays...'

Big screen TV.

'And at what stage did you realise the ball you were heading was on the TV?'

'Let's throw ball. Running game not working.'

"All of a dither as per usual!"

"I love these old decorations!"

"Yes, we voted remain - how did you guess?"

"Uptight End"

Kenny Dalglish

Sport: Crisis in the Real Madrid.

This is a great game --- All except for that blimp. It keeps reminding me I've already broken my diet resolution. Pizza. Chips.

"Next time you score show a little respect and don't spike uncle Frank so hard."

'I told him if he didn't get here quick he'd miss out on all the beer and food.'

"This crucial pre-game drill keeps you focused and eliminates distractions!"

'Oi, nobody gives me a kiss.'