Festive Dramatist Gifts

'Santa recalled thousands of toys ― he delivered them to kids who're in fact naughty.'

Rudolph goes green (compact flourescent nose)

Mrs. Claus has a ladies night out.

"A GPS! Thanks guys! It's exactly what I need to guide my sleigh...you know, in light of that unfortunate hunting accident."

Happy Holidays from Sanitary Claus!

Little girl hoses down walkway as Santa slips and falls

'I'm the ghost of Christmas future. I'm hammered, can we do this later...?'

Christmas Presents.

"Sorry, Rudolph, but the production on electric reindeers and their batteries gives work to thousands of children while you destroy the climate with your farts."

"Of course, I'm willing to negotiate. . ."

The Problem with On-the-fly Christmas Caroling

Classic Emojis for sale.

Bad gifts

"We'll see how it goes. It's Santa's first year with the genetically modified deer."

'I'm dreaming of a green Christmas, with every recycled Christmas card I write...'

Santa 'Freezing' Claus.

Snowman has twisted, wonky carrot nose: 'Apparently, it's organic.'

"Do excuse me, I've got a nuttiness allergy."

'Naughty? Nice? Santa, I don't deal in absolutes.'

'Oh, Christ.'

"Who cares what little kids think? What's important is that you believe in yourself."

'I don't believe in myself any more.'

'Due to budget cuts we are having to take on more temporary staff.'

Merry Sisyphus - Christmas pudding being pushed up a mountain.

Safe Christmas.

'After talking to him. it's clear our only hope for a bonus this year is Santa Claus.'

'Well, hello, Mr. Christmas!'

Your dad is a union man, isn't he?

'No, I'm not writing to Santa, I'm writing a blog questioning the validity of Santa, since he has no web presence.'

Santa with a boy on his knee:' I've got your 300 dollars. Did you bring your Mom and Dad's social security numbers and password information?'

Santa hosing the Chimney.

The composer of the 'Twelve Days of Christmas' song.